Tidefall's Song

Part IV | A Stranger's Art

"I'm losing love, losing you, losing everything
Losing faith in the world where I wanna be
So I don't care if the one thing that's killing me
Is so wrong, so wrong
I should walk away."

-'Hold On', Colbie Cailat.

•••

No way.

No freaking way.

"Ivan?!"

There was no mistaking that the tousled chestnut hair and brown eyes belonged to a certain mechanic whom I last met only days ago.

Fucking son of a bitch.

"You're still in school?!" I hollered at him.

Ivan winced. "Geez, Summers. You don't have to yell at me. It's embarassing."

Son of a bitch sat in front of me casually as he blew away a strand of his hair that hung loosely from his head. "And yes, I'm still in school. I mean, can't a student be both working and studying at the sane time? I need the cash, man. At least, I'm not elsewhere stealing or murdering someone for cash," he ranted.

So he does have dignity. I thought he had none the night he asked for my name.

"With a look like yours, I might have thought you're somewhere out there being a member of a mafia or something," I said.

He placed a hand over his heart, feigning hurt. "Do you really think that lowly of me, dear Elisa? I'm hurt."

"Oh, shush," I said, rolling my eyes, "I didn't really mean it anyway."

He smirked. "Didn't know you go to this school too." I smiled at him.

Averting my gaze off him, my eyes caught sight of Deirdre walking past me. Her eyes made contact with mine, only for a brief second. But I saw a glint of curiosity in her orbs.

"Have you been avoiding her lately?" Ivan asked, snapping me out of my trance.

I coughed. "What?"

"I saw what you just did there, lovelorn creature," he said before winking.

My cheerful mood faltered as I glanced at Deirdre who sat a few tables away from me, at our old spot, and my seat's been taken by some sunglasses, trying to flirt with her.

Fun's reference.

I focused my gaze back on Ivan who was raising both of his eyebrows, waiting for an answer even though it already seemed obvious what my answer would be.

I nodded silently.

"Is it bad that I didn't, Ivan?" I asked, barely above a whisper. But somehow, he still managed to catch it.

"It's not," he shook his head, "It's the way breakups are. You fall out of a relationship, and you take a breather."

I thought of that before, leaving her and completely disregarding her presence. But no matter what, there will always be a part of her in me.

"I know, Ivan, I know. It's just hard," I confessed.

I glanced at Deirdre again, wondering if all those months spent with her were worth it. She was sitting all alone now, the guy from before gone from my old spot. Whether he got what he wanted or not, I hope he's alright. But my heart cried harder at the sight of lonely Deirdre, wanting to reach out to her and talk to her again. But I can't.

Without realizing it, my tears broke free from its dam.

I palmed my face and the streams of salty liquid just flowed through my hands. Through the open slits of my eyes, I saw Ivan rushing to my side in a quick motion and he pulled me to his chest, rubbing my back in an attempt to comfort me.

"Let it go, Elisa." His deep but oddly soothing voice echoed in my ear.

My cries were muffled, but the pain began to painfully and slowly subside as he said the same words over and over again.

"I know this is out of the blue," he whispered into my ear, "But can I recite for you a poem?"

It really was out of the blue, but I gave him a small nod, urging him to continue as my tears continue stream freely down my reddened cheeks.

"Here it goes then," he said, inhaling deeply.

"The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster."

I listened to every word he whispered to me as the words reverberate in his chest. The words were strangely serene despite being in a sarcastic tone. It spoke a thousand truth about losing something, and I couldn't help but to think about losing Deirdre completely. Despite my silence, Ivan still continued to recite the poem with fluttering words of hope.

"I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster."

How long we were stuck in that position, I have no idea. My thoughts were empty because I was shoving away all memories of her to a corner, but my heart was swelled with everything related to her, cracking again and again. Ivan rubbed my back in a soothing manner, keeping his silence after ending the poem, and offering comfort through his actions as I continued to cry.

By the time I was done crying, Ivan looked like he was about to break into a wide smile and not to mention, with pride. I detached myself from him, and wiped my tears away.

"Well done, Elisa," he said with a grin, "That's step one of moving on."

"Crying to the point where you can't feel yourself anymore?" I questioned rhetorically.

"You cry, then you learn to let go," he replied.

"Love is a disaster," I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

"Love may be a disaster, but it's also the greatest between faith, hope and love," he said.

I gave him a weak smile. "What poem was that?"

"'One Art' by Elizabeth Bishop. One of the best poem on heartbreak, if you'd ask me," he replied, and I replied with a nod.

One more thing.

"Why are you so nice to me, Ivan? You barely even know me."

It's strange.

"I've been there once. No one wants to go through heartbreak, unless you're a masochist," he said.

At least I know I have someone to relate to. I'm grateful for having him in my life. I'm suffering myself, and that's already a burden I cannot handle for myself. But with him...

"You're going to be fine," he continued, "And I'll always be there to help you, Elisa."

My gaze met his eyes. "Then will you help me to move on?"

He gave me a smile. "By all means, Raine, I will. Anytime, anywhere, anyhow."

...With him, I'll find my cause to live again, and maybe a chance at forever.