Tidefall's Song

Part VIII | Lights Out

"Ships are launching from my chest
Some have names but most do not
If you find one, please let me know what piece I've lost."

-'Welcome Home', Radical Face.

• • •

Out of curiosity, I looked out the window. It was raining cats and dogs. Passers-by were rushing into the café to take shelter. Some were soaking wet, and some were almost impossibly dry.

Sighing, I turned my attention back to the man in front of me who had been waiting for me to reply to his question earlier. "She did apologize, but I didn't give in. I told her to leave instead."

"You did what?!" Ivan half-yelled. He was bewildered, but that's a reaction I've expected. "How could you?! She was sorry! You're supposed to forgive her!"

I wish the ground would swallow me up.

"You don't understand! She hurt me!" I countered. How can he easily say that after what I've been through?

Ivan cupped his face with his palms before intertwining his fingers together. "Believe me, I understand how you feel. But you're missing the point here, Eli."

"Then, tell me!" I demanded. What did I do wrong?

"Forgiveness is the next step towards moving on. Every fucking article or book on moving on sets that as one of the most basic rules towards moving on," he explained, "That's why you're doing it wrong."

"But-"

"I know you're hurt," he intercepted, "But think about it, Elisa. You're only hurting yourself further if you don't forgive her."

He's right. No matter what, what he said was right. I'm selfish for not forgiving her. I'm the villain here. Oh, how the tables turned. I slumped in my seat, eyes meeting.

"I'm sorry for being harsh with you. I just don't want the past to happen again," Ivan said.

I quirked an eyebrow at him. "What?"

"Look, I've been there, okay?" he said. I nodded.

"I was so hurt because she cheated on me with another guy and I didn't forgive her until I've gotten sick of reading the word "forgive"," Ivan made a quote sign as he said the last word, "in everything. I thought forgiving will be a foolish thing to do, knowing that the pain she's left me is harsher than a kick in the ass."

"But in the end, I could see the world in a better way - a way I thought impossible after she left me. What comes after that, they're minimal. Slowly, I learn to let go," Ivan told me.

He reached out to grab my hand. I welcomed it instead of flinching and his fingers intertwined with mine.

"So, forgive her, Elisa, even if it's hard," he ended, staring right into my eyes. There was a glimmer of sadness as he said those honest words to me, and I found myself wanting to know more about this girl who hurt him and made him wise.

"How did you meet her?" I asked.

Ivan chuckled a little, and his eyes shone. "She was crying over an ice-cream when we met. We were only six years old back then. Her ice-cream dropped to the ground at the park so I shared mine with her. Since we lived pretty close to each other, I would come over and play with her."

"We entered middle school together, and we had fallen head over heels for each other by then. We dated for two years until I found out that she had been cheating on me," he said, gritting his teeth, "Then, she moved away. Just like that. No goodbye."

His story rendered me speechless. He had been through worse, and yet here I am, heartbroken over a sissy problem.

"What was her name?" I finally spoke.

Instead of the tensed gritting he showed earlier, he grinned this time. "Oh, you will love me once you know who."

I raised my eyebrows. "I will?"

Ivan folded his arms as he leaned closer towards me.

"It's Sarah."

• • •

Ivan Lockhart:
You home?

You:
I am. Thanks for the meal today.

Ivan Lockhart:
You're welcome.

Ivan Lockhart:
Stay strong, Eli.

You:
I will.

I tossed the phone to the side of my bed, worn out by the day and not wanting to be bothered by anything else. I got up, and changed into my pajamas before crawling back to bed.

Ivan knew more about breakups than I do, I realized. It was no wonder he knew exactly what to say to me.

"It's Sarah."

It had to be Sarah out of all people. My ship used to be real.

"Sarah? You mean the Sarah? The Sarah that we know?" I could've sworn my eyes nearly bulged out.

Ivan nodded. "Yeah."

"That's such a waste. You both look good together," I said.

Ivan smiled. "We do, but I guess she's just not the one for me, and neither am I for her."

Yet what made Sarah cheat and break it off with Ivan before? What was her reason? Or was that just a facade?

I need to ask her. I need to know. Maybe it will help me understand Deirdre's side of story.

Not because I'm a busybody, but because I need to know.

I picked my phone up again. My thumb hovered over her name. Will it be worth it?

"It will," I told myself, and I clicked on her name.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

"Hello?" Sarah's voice finally came from the other line.

"Hey. Elisa here," I said.

"Oh, Elisa! What's up?" she asked, sounding a little too cheerful.

"I was wondering if you would want to hang out tomorrow. I kind of need to ask you something," I said.

There was a brief silence before she spoke. "Sure. I'll be free the entire morning until one."

Carbon dioxide rushed profusely out of my nose as my chest slowly flattened.

"Friendship Park at 10," I said.

"Okay," she agreed.

"Okay." I ended the call.

Maybe I'll find clarity tomorrow. And end all of this for good.