Tidefall's Song

Part XII | Finalé

"You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go."

-'Let Her Go', Passenger.

• • •

I didn't visit Sarah the next day. I wanted to let Ivan cool down first or else another argument will break out and I don't want that. Nope, not at all.

The day after, when I stepped into the ward Sarah was in, I saw a sleeping Ivan who held on tight to Sarah's hand. Sarah looked too pale to be alive - she looked ghostly, in fact. I glanced at Deirdre who came earlier than I did. She glanced back at me and placed her index finger on her lips, prompting me to keep silent, to which I nodded in reply.

I placed an azalea in the vase on the table next to her bed. An azalea usually means 'take care', and I want her to take care of herself. Deirdre grabbed my arm and quickly pulled me out of the room after that.

"He has been there for nearly two days, Eli. Barely eats, barely drinks, and I don't have to mention whether he bathe or not," Deirdre said, crinkling her nose in disgust at the mention of the fact that Ivan didn't even take a shower.

A sigh escaped my lips. "He's so worried about Sarah. He's afraid of leaving her."

"I know. But he can't go on like this forever," Deirdre said.

"What can we-"

"Eli." A gruffy voice resonated from behind me. Ivan emerged out of the ward looking very disheveled. "Eli," he repeated, and gave me a tight hug. He smelled gross - like sweat and tears and filth - but I hugged him back nonetheless.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you the other day," he apologized as soon as he let go of me, "I guess I was a bit too overreacting." He smiled sheepishly.

"You smell disgusting, Ivan. Go home, and only then I'll forgive you. Don't want Sarah to wake up to a very unimpressive sight of you," I said as the corner of my lips lifted up.

He chuckled. "Okay then."

As Ivan walked away, I turned my gaze to Deirdre who was gaping like a fish. "What?" I raised both of my eyebrows up.

"I've been trying to convince him to go home and yet here you are," she said.

I smiled. "He just came to the realization that first impression matters."

While I came to realize that Ivan was and is still in love with Sarah. He didn't show it, but by the way he took care of Sarah, I know he does.

• • •

Sitting quietly in the ward with Sarah reminded me of how serene some of the most dreaded situation could be. It's almost like a paradox how death, one of the most feared thing in the world, could be so calm sometimes. If Sarah's fate is to pass away, then I hope that she will pass away peacefully.

I held on tight to her cold hands, sobbing quietly as I mourned for her. For her family. For her best friends. For Ivan. For me.

"If only you know..." I whispered, "...how much Ivan loves you." I smiled despite the throbbing pain in my chest. "He never really did move on, Sarah." I grinned. "He even punched the wall because of you. He cares about you. So, you must hang in there, Sarah."