Isak's POV
The days went by- and they went by quickly. Soon, we were in late November.
"Hey- how's your club stuff been going?" Eva asked one day at lunch.
"It's been going by so fast! But it's great- I love it. Everyone there, (Even,) is so nice and I love getting close with everyone, (Even.)"
It's true though! I can barely believe it myself but Even and I have become friends...kind of. In the beginning we wouldn't even sit next to each other- now we do. During meetings, we write little notes on our papers to each other. We always seem to know what the other is thinking because we're able to throw glances at eachother and start laughing. My attraction and love for him was growing stronger by the day, and every now and then I got the hint that he liked me too, but I just shooed that off- he was just a nice person. I always ruin things by reading too far into them.
-
After science one day, Mr. Pinow called me over to his desk. I looked at the back to see Even, wondering if we had the same eye communication skills in class. He wasn't even looking at me- he was talking to his friends that sit all around him. Dumb, Isak, I thought. He just likes you as a friend- barely that and nothing more.
"Isak!" Mr Pinow said as I approached his desk after class.
"Yoo," I said, trying to hide the hurt from the mini-heartbreak Even just caused me. Mr Pinow stared at me for a second, I could tell he was thinking. I could tell that he sensed my mini-heartbreak. Whether I liked it or not, Mr Pinow knew me like the back of his hand. He was my favorite teacher, I'd even consider him a friend.
"It's December first, Isak." He said, deciding to ignore my pain, which I was pleased with.
"Uh...yeah I know."
"Isak, we were supposed to meet about a paper you had like 2 months ago!"
"Oh my god!" My mouth dropped open and my face reddened. "I completely forgot!"
"Well duh." He said, chuckiling. He didn't seem mad that I missed our meeting.
"Oh my god...sorry. We can reschedule! I promise I won't forget!"
"Nah...it's fine. I don't really care. If I cared I would've told you the day after that you forgot- not three months later!"
I still felt bad.
"No really," he said- seeing the apology in my eyes- "I don't care. No worries. I really was calling you up to my desk to see how you've been doing...?"
"Oh, haha." My face was heating up. "I'm doing fine I guess."
"How's life?"
I thought for a moment. My brain was moving a mile a minute. I thought: Well, life is usually shit but has been looking up. I hate myself- nothings changed. I usually spend a lot of time alone. I sit in the bathroom stall before school starts because I have no friends. I have some untreated mental issues that will remain untreated because I don't have a family and I also don't have any money. And as if my life were making fun of me- the boy that I've been in love with for three years is in my class- this class, Even. And we run a club together and he talks to me, but each time he opens his mouth or smiles or looks at me I fall a little more in love- and I know that he doesn't feel that way about me so that sucks. Oh, yeah, I'm also gay but no one knows- not even Jonas. So yeah.
" I guess life is good. Just tired. " I finally blurted out.
Mr Pinow could tell I wasn't saying it all. Because I wasn't- I knew that. "Alright! Well, you could always talk to me- you know that."
"Yeah. Yeah. Thank you Mr P." I said"
"No problem. Now, get out of my room!" He said with a smile.
"Bye." I said, walking out the door.
