Living with 5SOS

30

I can't. I can't do it. I love him. I love all of them. I can't let them be hurt anymore.

That's why I've been such a rat the last few days. Rude, bratty, disobedient, nightmarish.

I'm surprised they haven't kicked me out.

And it broke my heart, but I couldn't let them love me. It's not fair to them.

So I'm leaving. Tonight. Now.

I sob quietly as I shove clothes into my bag.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Im sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sor-sor-so sorry." I whisper through my sobs. "I have to. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I wish you wouldn't have found me. It would've been so much easier. Maybe I'd be dead by now, I don't know, but you'd be ok. I love you. I love you. Please be ok. Don't miss me. Just hate me. I love you. Please forget me. Don't forget me. Don't let me leave." I mumble nonsensical, nearly incoherent things.

I grab a piece of paper and a pen and begin writing.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I never deserved you, and you don't deserve such a damaged, flawed, horrible person like me. I love you so much. Please just forget me. Don't look for me. I promise I won't go back to my parents. I won't let anyone hurt me. I'll take care of myself. I'll eat. I won't hurt myself. I'll be able to find a job and an apartment, but don't look for me. I'll be fine. You're more important. You boys are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm so grateful, really. You're career is taking off and you don't need the bad publicity I bring. I saw the magazine. I, so sorry I tore your family apart, I didn't mean to. I was selfish, and I'm sorry. Remember, Luke, Ashton, Michael and calum, I love you, and I'm sorry. Forget me. Move on. Focus on your career and yourselves. You wonderful people deserve it. I hope you find someone better than me. Someone that the fans like, someone that's not such a brat, someone that you don't have to constantly parent and make sure they're eating and not hurting themselves. You don't deserve that pain. So don't look for me. I'm ok. Take care of yourselves.

I love you all so much. Thank You.

Robin"

I sniffle as I sign my name.

"I'm sorry." I whisper again as I grab my bag and crawl out the window.

***

Luke's pov

I yawn as I walk into my baby girls room. I hope she's in a batter mood this morning. "Robin?" I mumble as I look around. God, her room is thrashed, what did she do last night?

Wait, where is she?

"Robin?!" I call as I look around. I go into the hall as I call her, checking all the boys rooms.

I go downstairs. By now the boys are up and also looking for her. I look everywhere but I don't find her.

"Fuck." I mumble.

"LUKE! LUKE COME TO ROBINS ROOM!" I run upstairs as I hear Michael yell.

I see him holding a piece of paper and he looks like he's about to cry.

"M-Michael? What is that?"

"She- she's gone. She left." He says quietly, almost as if he doesn't believe it.

He hands me the note and I read it and immediately stop crying.

"No. No no no no no no." I mumble.

"Babygirl." I sob as I drop the note. The other boys all try to comfort me as they read the note as well.

"I can't... We need to find her. I don't care what the fuck she says, we need to find her." I say, wiping my eyes. I stand and go downstairs, grabbing my coat and rushing out the door.

***

Robins pov

I come out of the public restroom, in my nicest outfit, with my makeup done as flawlessly as I could do it after trying at least four times.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I made it 2 towns over, hitch hiking. Hopefully that'd be far enough.

I'd, luckily, only had one bad experience while hitch hiking. A man had tried touching my thigh, ten my crotch, and I immediately made him pull over and let me out.

Now, I'm gonna get a job and an apartment.

***

I sigh as I plop down on the familiar park bench.

Two weeks. It's been two weeks and I can't find a fucking job.

No one will hire a high school dropout with no place to live and no money at all.

I lay my head in my hands and cry, shamelessly messing up my makeup.

It's ok. I'll be ok. I remind myself.

"Honey? Are you ok?" I hear an old woman's voice ask.

"I-I-I-I- no." I sigh.

"Oh. Where do you live, darling?"

"I don't- ha-have a home, ma'am. I ne-need money to get an a-apart-apartment." I cry.

"Oh, dear. Well, I own some little apartments, why don't you stay in one while you get back on your feet, yeah?"

"I ca-can't pay you." I shake my head.

"That's ok, love. Pay me what you can each month. I know some people.mill help you get a job. My name is Martha, dear. What's yours?"

"R-r- uh... Robin." I sigh.

"It's getting late, dear, come on, I'll drive you."

"Oh-ok. Thank you ma'am." I finally agree, letting her walk me to her apartments, feed me, and show me to my new apartment.