Tears In My Eye

7

Carly looked up to see a slightly tall girl. She had very short, black hair, with her fringe dyed red. She had hazel eyes and was wearing a long black top and jean shorts.

"What are you doing? Are you okay? You blacked out for a second."

"I'm.. fine" I quickly hid my arm.

"You were cutting. Don't lie to me." Her voice was harsh. "Why?"

"Umm.." I didn't want to answer. She looked new, I've never seen her. I didn't want to tell her all my problems.

"Well, maybe you can tell me later. I'm Maddie by the way."

She walked out of the bathroom, closing the door for me. I wiped the blood off the razor and hid it. I got a towel and wet it. I dabbed at my cuts, flinching at the pain it brought. I washed the blood off the towel, and set it on one of the hangers for towels.

As I opened up the bathroom door, I set my arm behind me so no one could see. I walked into my room and saw Maddie. She looked up at me. "So, you're my other roommate."

I nodded and walked over to my bed. I grabbed my sweater and put it on, hiding what I have just done. I could see Maddie unpacking her things across from me.

I decided to break the awkward silence. "So, if you don't mind me asking, what brings you here?"

"Oh, my parents disowned me."

I could see she was uncomfortable, so I didn't ask any further. I asked other questions about her like Hannah and the twins did when I first came here. "How old are you?"

"16. In two years I can finally be free. What about you?"

"14."

"How long have you been here?" 

"I've actually been here quite some time, I was 6 when I first came here."

"Wow. How did you survive?! I've been here barely 5 minutes and I already can't stand the adults and other children."

"I honestly have no idea."

We continued talking for a while. It was nice to have someone else here for a change. I've been alone for so long.

Mrs.Ruby burst in the door, interrupting our conversation. "Carly," Her voice was sweet, not like it usually was. Probably because Maddie was here. "May I talk to you for a moment, in private." I sighed and walked out the door. "What do you want?"

Her tone went from sweet to harsh in a matter of seconds. "Why did you run off during dinner. You know you're not allowed to do that. You're supposed to be a role model for the younger ones." I didn't care about what she was saying, I never did.

"I'm not a 'role model.' I'm a 14 year old girl who was forced to come here because my parents were killed in a car accident. I can do whatever I want. You're not my parents, just another adult." I regretted saying that the moment it came out of my mouth. She slapped me and started screaming in my face.

"I'm the adult here not you. You can't do anything, you're just a kid who came here because you're idiotic parents were killed."

I was in tears. Not because of what she did. Because of what she said. I wanted to cut again. I knew I shouldn't, but the urge was so strong. I walked away with tears streaming down my face, and back into the bathroom.

I pulled out the razor again. I dragged it across my flesh, causing lots of blood to pour out. The carpet now had blood stains on it, but I didn't care. I lazily put a towel over the stains and hid the razor once more. I dabbed at my flesh yet again with another towel. Once I had finished cleaning up, I walked back to my room. Maddie looked at me with concern on her face, but I just ignored her. She walked up to me.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really.."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

I didn't really want to. It would be weird. She wouldn't understand. Before I could answer, she pulled her sleeves up revealing too many scars. She pulled her sleeve back down and locking eyes with me. "We could help each other. We could get out of the depression. I understand if you don't wanna talk though." Again, Mrs.Ruby rudely burst in. "Time for bed!"

Maddie walked over to her bed. As soon as Mrs.Ruby left she walked back over to mine. She quietly whispered to me, "We can still talk if you want to."

We talked for hours. I learned from her that she cut because her parents were always saying thins to her like 'I hate you' and 'You were a mistake.' She also told me she tried committing suicide, but it didn't work. We also talked about how we could talk to each other about this and try to prevent it. It was nice having someone to talk to. We even exchanged phone numbers, so if we weren't together in person, we could still talk.

At 4am, we decided to go to bed, we would have to get up in about 3 hours. I knew that we would try to protect each other from self harm but, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I wasn't even sad right now, it was like I was addicted. Maddie had probably fallen asleep, but I needed to talk to someone right now.

Carly: i know ur probs asleep but can we talk?

Maddie: sure whats up

Carly: have u ever felt urges?

Maddie: urges about what

Carly: cutting

Maddie: yes r u feeling urges?

Carly: yes and idk what to do about it

Maddie: try to take ur mind off of it

Maddie: like think about something else

Carly: like what

Maddie: whats ur favorite food

Carly: pasta why

Maddie: think about pasta

Maddie: or how im so amazing :)

Carly: yeaaaa okkkkk

Maddie: hey im the one helping u at 4am

Carly: ik and im thankful for u :)

Maddie: :)

Maddie: ok now try to get some sleep

Carly: ok night

Maddie: night

I turned off my phone and closed my eyes. I took Maddie's advice. I didn't think about cutting and instead thought of how thankful I am for Maddie helping me. Later I finally fell asleep.