My True Love

A Rocky Start

Just a couple weeks later, things took a turn I didn't expect. Madi was starting to say how she's not good for me again. I tried to convince her otherwise again, but this time it didn't work. She broke up with me, officially. I felt like I had just been punched in the gut. I couldn't be mad at her because she thought she was doing what was best for me. I know it was hard for her too. That's what I had to say over and over in my head to keep myself calm. Madi made me swear to her I wouldn't cut because of her, so I didn't, this time. All I could think about all day everyday was what I could have said differently to have convinced her to stay with me.
I was quite relieved when a few days later Madi texts me apologizing for breaking up with me and telling me she wants me back, but she understands if I don't want to be with her. Of course I want to be with her. I accept and we are officially back together.
To make this long story short, I'll summarize. Within the next couple months we broke up a few more times and got back together a few more times. A couple of those times I cut, a couple I didn't. None of it scarred though, so I'm grateful for that. After Madi had ended things three times, I told myself if she ended things one more time, I wouldn't get back together with her again. I promised one of my best friends, Sidney, that I wouldn't get back with her if she ended things again. But, a couple weeks after that, when Madi started on her rant about how she's bad for me, I thought to myself, this is it. This is the end. This is happening. And I braced myself. And sure enough, it came. "I'm sorry. I just think you deserve better than me. I'm just going to hurt you." "You're hurting me right now." "I know. And I don't want to hurt you again. I'm sorry." I felt dead this time, worse than being punched in the gut. This time I was stabbed right in the heart because I knew it my head that I had to force myself to not get back together with her. But, about a week later, she comes back apologizing. You're probably thinking I'm an idiot for going back to her after all of this, but I am glad I did what I did. I got back with her. I couldn't say no. I couldn't let myself. I knew what I was going to let slip away. And I didn't want it to slip away. I wasn't thinking at the time that this was going to nearly cost me a friendship...