Internet Famous // S.M.

37

Song: 6 feet under - Billie Eilish

Have you ever been so damaged that you can't think? So hurt that the wrong decision can seem so right?

That's how I felt in this moment. Even though I could hear a small voice in the back of my head telling me "no, turn around," my heart was telling me "go, keep walking."

And as I approached the door to his apartment, and as I could smell lingering alcohol from outside, I had absolutely no intentions of turning around.

I was broken, completely. Life had been going so great and I was finally in a happy place in my life, for once. I should have know it wasn't going to last, I should've known that no one really cared.

I should have known that girls like me don't get their happy ever after.

I was going to the boy that gave me trauma's house to forget about the boy that broke me. How ironic.

I knocked on the door, not knowing what to expect. I never wanted to see his face, yet I wanted to go inside.

He opened the door, looked me up and down and smirked.

"I knew you would come crawling back," Jeffery said in his sinister voice.

"Just let me in so I can explain," I told him. If anyone sees us together, they could call the cops and we would both be in big trouble.

He moved aside and let me in. I stepped inside and lowered my hood, relieved we didn't get caught.

Looking around, I noticed things have changed, a lot. The place was neater, the stack of beers he usually has was lower, instead of his patchy beard he was cleanly shaven, and I couldn't smell alcohol on his breath.

"You've changed things up," I told him after he closed and locked the door.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. The police recommended a rehab place I could go to, and I decided why the fuck not. After you left me, I realized how shitty my life is so I wanted to get it turned around."

"Wow, that's amazing," I looked down at the ground, this was so awkward, being in the same room as him.

"So what brings you here?" He asked.

"Lots of shit has just happened, and I don't really want to think about it. Want to get wild? For old times sake?" His eyebrows raised.

"Do you know who I am?" He laughed. He walked into the kitchen and got two beers.

"My therapist is going to kill me," he said as we cracked them open.

"For old times sake," we toasted and began to drink.

What have I gotten myself into?

+

Song: Bloodstream by Ed Sheeran

"So basically everyone is a bitch and hates me for something I didn't do," I finished my story. I had been here for nearly an hour, and I was telling him about what happened. He was listening closely, and treating me with respect.

It was bizarre to see him with caring eyes instead of ones with fire behind them. He has really changed since I got the restraining order, he is like a whole new person now. This is the Jeffery I fell in love with so long ago.

We were both starting to get tipsy, and I was still in pain. I wanted to drink until my heart hurt with burps and hard liquor instead of the hole Shawn and Cecilia left.

"What else do you have?" I asked Jeffery.

"Some vodka. Ive also got some weed and stuff if you are into that kind of thing," he shrugged.

"I'm down for whatever."

He got up and went into his bedroom, coming back with a bong and a lighter.

I can not believe that I am skipping the first day of school to smoke and drink with Jeffery.

How did my life end up like this?

+

Nearly two hours later, we were both entirely wasted. We were not in our right minds and weren't making the best choices.

Jeffery kept digging into crevices of his house, pulling out more substances. Everything was a blur as we smoked, snorted, or drank whatever he found.

None of it was working. I could still remember Shawn's voice on the phone telling me he needed time.

Smoking for fun is entirely different than smoking to forget about things. When you are smoking for fun the slightest sign of being high works, but when you are smoking to forget, then it's not enough. You want more and more.

I was giggling uncontrollably when Jeffery gave me another shot. I wasn't trying to overdose or anything, just get wasted enough to not remember.

Before I could take it though, I started to get extremely dizzy.

"Wait," I mumbled, hanging the tiny glass back.

I bent down, putting my hands on my knees to stable myself.

All at once I felt everything start to come up. I ran to the bathroom, and puked.

I sat up and wiped my mouth, feeling a little bit better.

I ran back to Jeffery, and grabbed my drink. I clanked our glasses together and downed mine.

"Did you just throw up again?" He slurred.

"Mhm," I nodded.

Everything appeared to be happening in slow motion, a blur. My reaction times were delayed and I could barely stand.

I walked into his kitchen, looking for a bottle of water to cleanse my palette.

I was standing at his counter, holding on to it for support. I began to feel very sleepy, and when I bent down to grab a bottle, I didn't notice I had fallen.

"Rose!" I heard Jeffery yell before I blacked out.

8/5/17 7:35 pm