slut;
(n.) a women with many sex partners...
being a slut, possibly one of the worst things you could be. a slut is someone that everyone looks down on. they assume you are a whore.
theres one person who calls me this.
it started in febuary when he texted me first. he added me on everything, snapchat, instagram, facebook ext. he was the one who made the first move, braging about how good of a kisser he is. soon enough, i wanted to figure out myself.
i invited him over. and you bet your sweet ass, as soon as he walked through the door, he kissed me. i was shocked at the movement but i kissed back. he was definitly a good kisser.
then things turned sour.
i caught feelings.
we'e seen each other about 3 times or so after that but then, i got a boyfriend. he was pissed ig. i couldnt tell you why, but apparently he was.
soon, i wasnt happy with my boyfriend, now ex, and i went back to him. thats when he started calling me a whore and slut.
but its his fault as well. he didnt have to agree but he did.
he made the first move.
once i offically broke up with my ex. he had the nerve to say and ask me;
""bout fucking time hoe... so who you fucking first?""
i was pissed.
it didnt stop me from going back to him.
god damn it. what have i gotten myself into? i think i acutally might like him.
Hes so wrong for me. he treats me bad but he knows my weaknesses. he knows i cant resist.
he got a girlfriend resently. he cheated on her with me.
we have not fucked.
lets make that clear.
he doesnt want me to know that he does.
oh but i know everything.
he just doesnt want me to be the same way he was to me.
i feel so lonely. i have no one to numb my pain i feel. i guess you could say, i have no one to fuck away the pain.
i want to punch him in his throat but i want to kiss him as well. fuck.
hes going to college out of state and hes leaving mid-augest. idk how i'll deal with it.
im over reacting. but i just cant help it. no one will listen to me. i dont know what to do. i wanna text him, just so i can see him again. the way he treats me and others arent good, i cant blame him. he lost his mother but it still isnt a valuable excuse. i hate how i cant hate him.
i wish that i could hate him and start by cutting him out. i just cant
i absolutly hate myself for it.
my moods are dictated by our conversations and if he doesnt text i get to fucking frustrated. i got so attached, it hurts when he doesnt text me. hell, i'll go to an extream and try to post something in hopes he'll make a smart ass comment. im so lonely, and i cant do anything.
i feel like such a waste of space. people dont understand it. i feel so empty and im trying so hard to fix it. i am. i just cant find a way to.
its not like i can do anything. after all im just a whore.
july 1st, 2018
1:53 a.m
lonely hours
