Invisible to your eyes (Lauren/You)

chapter 1

I was walking down the street, heading slowly from work to home. I was more than happy that my shift was already over. I'm not gonna lie, working sucks. When I was at school, I said the same thing;  school sucks and I couldn't wait to be out of this fucking hell. Well, I didn't know it's not gonna change. From school to work, from one hell to another hell.

I took my phone out from jacket with headphones . There are couple of things you need to know about me.

First of all, I'm a music freak, music trash, song lover, crazy obssesed with music at all. There is not a day without music for me. I'm surrounded by it every day. It helps me escape the reality I am a part of. Do you understand? Sometimes I wish this all would be fucking dream I will wake up from one day. I'm Y/age old girl who means nothing in this cruel world we all live in. I finished both schools, tried to apply for art college where they didn't accept me so I ended up finding job at supermarket for one goal. Traveling across the globe. I'm working on it, I promise.

I insert headphones to ears and with first tones I relaxed. I put hoodie on head and with that I'm ignoring everyone around me. It's just me, music and long way home.

So yeah guys, I work at supermarket, I hate this job but I need money. We all need them.

For second you need to know...

Mentioning hell was not just a phrase. Both of schools were living hell for me. Being bullied from young age can have very noticable concequences in future. Meaning? Zero confidence, depression, anxiety attacks, questioning your whole existence 24/7. I could continue on that list on and on and maybe you would find yourself feeling the same. I always say „words hurt the most". They do.

I walked across the street and stopped on red lights. It was kinda freezing outside . But why am I even surprised when it's already half 10pm. Looking down on my shoes I checked time again. Does it pass slower or?

Let's say schools sucks in general if you are not one of those lucky motherfuckers who rull whole building upside down. Before you will realize you are on the black list of losers and your next four years are already marked as „time of your life". Go and enjoy it! Fuck them. Seriously.

I successfully graduated from high school 6 months ago, told adios bitches and left. Another chapter behind me. New one ahead. Rest you know...work work work.

One of the reasons why you don't have to fit in school's royalty is because you kinda don't fit in the world at all. I'm a girl, I mention this again here. Why? Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what you see. I see person, lost soul trying to figure out who she is. Soul being born probably in the wrong body. Soul with scars.

I don't fit in this world. I actually never did. That's the reason behind being the victim of bad jokes, laughing about your appearance and being questioning if you are girl or boy almost every day. Then tell me how am I supposed to accept myself when all these people simply kills me inside?

I think that was enough about me. At the end, I will use words I read somewhere. It was quote but I don't remember correctly the whole sentence so let me fed you with some smart ass words before sleep. It all goes like „...maybe you will fall for someone who will make you forget about hating yourself..."

Red light turned into green. Keeping my head down I continue taking step by step. I pulled my jacket closer to neck, put hands into pockets and sometimes checked path. People holding each other, lovers, kids, homeless . We all carry our cross upon our backs.

I know very well my way home. When street got more empty I was near that place called „HARMONY". I wasn't afraid of people around me. You could see how surroundings changed from hundred to zero. I kept walking with music on, passing black men who give me strange look like „what you doing here kiddo, get the fuck out of here."