Somewhere In Brooklyn

33 - December 10

I awoke only to have my worst nightmare changed.

The window is left open, gray sheets of curtain dancing through the night but I am covered in sweat and terror.

I'm used to it, having them in my head almost every night. I know that nightmare so very well, I've memorized it by now. It is always the same. It never changed. It shouldn't have changed.

The smudgy white tiled floor beneath my feet were moving, the lines shifting, as I walked through the crowded hallway of the school. I heard their murmurs, their whispers, their laughs. Every sound hurt my head. I didn't need to look up to know that their gleaming hateful eyes were on me.

But I did anyway. And their faces started to vanish into air, leaving a wisp of smoke on its trail, until it was empty. Someone wise told me before that a blank face is an omen of death. They're gonna die. They're gonna die. They're gonna die.

But what if they're already dead? Haunting me in my sleep just like she does every night.

She. There she was, Same muddy white dress. Same broken limbs.

Normally, the sound that I could only hear was my heartbeat rising. But their shouts were so loud and crystal, cracking my skull.

It's your fault. It's your fault. It's your fault.

Stop fooling yourself. You're just going to hurt her too. Too?

Then all of a sudden, as my sister limped her way towards me, her ash-blonde hair turned into red like a fire. Gray stormy eyes changed into acid green like venom.

I wanted to shout. You don't even go here! But I couldn't. Panic closed up my throat. My mouth was left hanging as I watched you crawl.

Your face didn't dissolve like hers would. Instead, cracks slowly appeared like lightning on your porcelain's face. The pieces fell as you crawled on the floor until you're kneeling in front of me. Until your face was blank. Empty.

Blurred faces mean death, you told me. Remember?

Just then, you cried out loud as the flame in your hair engulfed you and the only thing I could do was watch. Each cry of my name, each whimper, each tear you made were formed into a cage of my heart, constricting it.

I wanted to hold you, tell you that I feel your pain, too. But that's impossible and a lie. I couldn't imagine what it's like to slowly burn into ashes.

I only drown.