Somewhere In Brooklyn

1 - October 16

I am going crazy.

Paranoid. Anxious. I think I'm losing my mind.

Everyday, I can hear them whisper and laugh and I can't help but think that they're talking about me. That there might be something wrong with me. I know there's something wrong with me. I try to ignore them—the voices of people around me and in my head. But it's too hard and it's not a fair fight. Too many voices with only me listening.

The noises in my head never stopped save for all those times I feel empty. But I don't like feeling empty, because it makes me do bad things.

Everyday, I've been thinking too much and I am sure as hell lost. I am crazy. Everything in my life is happening so fast and I can't keep up. I try to keep up. I don't know if I still want to keep up, I'm kind of feeling tired now.

And just like everything in my life, she came in so fast. There was no sign, no warning. Surprise!

She bumped into me on the subway earlier while I was getting inside the train. Her red hair and yellow bag was bouncing on her back as she jogged. I stuttered an apology—a habit I long have even before that night—even though she was the one who bumped into me and that she wouldn't hear me.

But she did hear me. She looked back and I saw her. She was beautiful—attractive, gorgeous, cute, overwhelming, knockout, lovely, magnificent, marvelous, bewitching, classy, stunning, aesthetic, enamoring and the words go on.

She said sorry and I couldn't do anything but just nod. What was I supposed to say anyway?

I chose to sit far away from her, so she wouldn't catch me staring. Something about her bright smile and the way she looked at me makes me want to talk to her. Want to know her.

But I shouldn't think this way because I'll never stand a chance.