Daydreaming About You (Jalex)

Chaptef 9 - Ignore

I walk a fine line
Between the right and the real
They watch me closely
But talk is cheap here

'Hey man meet me in the dressing room In 5'

What does Rian wants? We talked just a few minutes ago.
If he's going to say another 'I'm here for you' I think that I'm going to explode, I appreciate what he does I really am but I can't handle with his worries. It makes me feel more helpless than I already feel and I just want to get through this.

I walked to the dressing room wondering what I should say to him. Maybe I'm complaining too much, after all the fact that I finally have someone to talk to helps a lot and I guess I can't just tell him to care whenever I comfortable with it. I mentally sigh, I should be thankful and shut up.

I recognize the dressing room door and opened it. I walked straight in knowing that everyone already left to the buss, so no one else should be here.
But after the first step I stopped.
I looked around the room finding out it was empty, there is no one in here. I walk slowly more into the space over to the couches but he's not there, then why would he te-
"Jack" I jump at the mention of my name. Then slowly turn around to see Alex standing against the wall near the door. Shit. Was he there the whole time?
"Alex" I said surprised "I didn't see you there" I blurred out trying to not sound too horrified, not looking into his eyes
"I haven't seen you in a while" I sensed sarcasm in his voice. He watched me with a blank experience but I could see there was something wrong from the way his hands were clenched into fists beside his body.

"I.. Uh.. I need to go, Rian said t-that he wanted to talk to me" I stuttered.
Damn since when I became so awkward? I started walking toward the exit.
"I don't think so" he said, moving to close the door and then stand in front of it, blocking the way out.
His eyes stayed on me while his hand turned the key and he locked us in the room. Alone.

"Dude what the fuck are you doing?"

"No. What are you doing?" he snapped back at me. His coolness began to shutter.

"well, not keeping you hostage in this room it appears." I narrowed my eyes.

He ignored that and crossed his arms on his chest. "Why are you avoiding me?" There it was, the million dollar question. I knew this was coming, I just hoped It won't be anytime soon, or ever.

"listen I really need to see Rian, so,"
I argued and took another step toward the door where he stood.
Instead of moving aside he just put his hand in the back pocket of his jeans to take out his phone, then he put it on the table on his right side so I got a better look on it. I glanced back at him confused and then back on the phone but then I noticed that it wasn't his, this one has a black case on. I felt the blood running out of my face the second the penny dropped and I realized it was Rians.

"you texted me" it didn't even came out as a question.
Sudden anger rushed through me, he was playing me
"Why would do that?" I snarled

"Because it was the only way to get you to speak to me after weeks!"

"I'm not-"

"Don't say that!" he cut me, "don't lie! just tell me why" he demand.
My eyes darted to the floor, saying nothing. What I'm suppose to tell him? That I like him too much and him talking about his girlfriend 24/7 makes want to rip my fucking hair out?

I heard him taking a deep breath and I looked up to see him struggle with his words
"I just.. I want to know, Jack. I don't like it, you're my fri- shit you're my best friend. I need you, I hate us being like this and without even knowing why! What happened?"
I chocked up a little, I was so selfish all this time only thinking about myself while he got hurt too. So much has changed but I can't tell him any of it, and I don't want to lie either. This whole situation feels like being trap in a maze and keep running into dead ends.

"Is it something I did?" he suddenly asked more quietly. I spot a glance of guilt in his eyes as he tried to keep them on everything in the room except me. Oh no. No no no no I can't let him think its because of him! I mean it is but it isn't his fault that I'm fucked up.

"You didn't do anything" I answered immediately.

He seeme surprised, like he expected me to say something else.

"Then why would you-" his voice cracked before he finished and I saw for a first time in a long time his walls breaking, showing how he really felt and didn't let anyone see. Alex hated when people felt sorry for him and because of it, he hated showing any hints of sadness. It worked for him since there aren't too many reasons for him to be sad and when he is, he mostly hide it behind sarcasm or anger so you won't know. I've only seen him crying on extreme situations and when he was alone with me. This was one of those times.

My throat closed up, I felt like throwing up as my eyes got watery as well from watching this man I admire so much having tears on his flushed cheeks because he felt embarrassed and vulnerable and sad and I made him feel this way.

Against all my better judgment I walked over to him, closing the gap between us, and wrapped my arms around his shaky figure, wanting to transfer all of his pain to me if I could.

"I'm sorry lex" I mumbled.

Instead of pushing me away like I was afraid he'll do, he hugged me back. And that was the best thing that happened to me in the last few months, holding him was so relaxing, being close to him again in general felt good but I know it's only a temporary bliss.

Soon he sniffed and cleared his throat, "are you going to tell what is going on now?"

I was glad he couldn't see my face at the moment, because they probably reflected the torn feeling I had inside, ripping me apart.

He must have took my silence as a no since he spoke once more.

"Will you ever?"

I sigh, "maybe" I forced out. At least I'm not promising anything.

He groaned, taking a step back. My arms immediately falling to my sides, feeling weightless.
The ache came back as soon as I was away from him again and saw his puffy eyes narrow down at me.

"Then how are we going to fix it?"

I didn't know what to say. It isn't something that can be fixed, he doesn't get it. He couldn't.

I took a deep breath, "I don't know" I admitted.

He seemed to be taken aback from this answer, his palms clenching into fists once again. He wiped the wetness in his eyes with the back of his sleeve aggressively before looking up.

"Do you even care?" he snapped angrily.

"I-"

"forget it" He cut me as he turned around to unlock the door and stormed out.