fiendish heart [1]

19 。death

A month went by once where Taehyung never looked up. For those days he saw  expensive dress shoes and stiletto heels in bright hues clash against the grey concrete beneath them. Not once did his gaze lift past the knees of anyone, he kept his head down and did the job he'd been promised would bring him good fortune. One day, after a month of working in a small cubicle office and staring at a computer all day, he looked up and he saw a small blue bird, no larger than his palm. It sat watching him, for he had halted on the path of business men and women. In the blur of black slacks and white blouses this bird stared at him, chirping happily as if enthralled by the new attention. It made him smile to see this colourful bird of an unknown species so gleeful by his stare.

Taehyung quit his job that day, he left the office and donated his suits, searching through the charity shops for more comfortable clothes that felt like himself. He endeavoured to become a writer that day, to explore what else there was of the world and write about it. Why? Because he looked up.

-

Now, Taehyung looked up from the corner of the pale white walls after hours of laying sullen. Not once had his expression changed, his lips tight and his posture slackened, simply watching. He clenched his fingers around the hilt of the crafted blade in his hand. As he held it, he stared at the boy who had given it to him. Kook was curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket as he kept his head down, counting on his fingers, murmuring numbers each time he'd reach ten. Occasionally, Kook would lift his head and twist around to stare at Taehyung for a moment, then he would return to counting. It seemed to be every hundred. Each time he did no emotion showed beneath his solemn expression.

To see a boy who had the potential to be so happy look so miserable and empty was painful, especially when Taehyung knew he was the cause. Kook had made it very clear that he needed him to return, not understanding the concept of blood family, for he had never truly embraced it. Kook didn't understand that Taehyung had his own family to think about, that there was a life outside his. Taehyung was his family and he deserved to have him, what was so wrong with that?

Taehyung wanted to see Misuk again. The thought of sharing all of his new experiences with her, helping her create sock puppets of the characters and act out his stories was enough to make him smile. She would make a sock puppet of Kook and make him grump around the camp, then dance around when he was excited. She would make him take sock puppet Taehyung to the fallen tree and talk about the importance of it. She would take sock puppet Taehyung and Kook to the lake where they would wash cherries and talk about the magic there. She would make everything better ... But she would make everything end.

„Why is loving you taking so much from me?" His eyes shut as he inhaled a slow breath through his nose, stomach tightening as he brought the dagger down to his lap. Over time his eyes fluttered down to stare at the weapon. So beautiful yet dangerous. He ran his finger along the blade, being careful not to let the sharp edge come in contact with his skin. „But it's the only thing I want."

Taehyung returned to watch Seokjin hand Kook a rounded mug filled with a tea of some sort, then join him on the couch as he began a small conversation that the boy did not join. Taehyung could not hear their words, but on one occasion Kook turned and their gazes met. In that moment everything came crashing down onto Taehyung, he felt an utter longing as he stared into those deep midnight eyes that, despite holding no clear emotion, were so full of wonder and hope. That, he could not give up.

A sudden crash outside the door made the three freeze in place, Taehyung's palms against the cold floorboards as he thought of joining the two. He was stuck in that stance as distant voices sifted through the cracks in the door, causing a sickly colour to spread across Taehyung's cheeks and his stomach to churn. Minjae was back, he was home.