fiendish heart [1]

13 。truth be told

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From the entrance of the hut carved over endless hours of effort and passion, Yoongi studied the usually intimidating boy curled up under his blanket on his bed, staring at an old dirty rabbit that had almost fallen apart completely. Now instead of intimidating, he just looked lost. Something about the way his midnight eyes glowed with a new light, his lips not pressed downwards, instead lifted into a calm smile. There were positive changes that reflected in almost every part of the confined space. Everything was clean and uncluttered, though the curtains were closed, candles were set out around the room in numbers, filling it with a strong jasmine scent. Kook was wrapped up in another's jumper, nose buried into the smell.

„Hey." Yoongi eventually spoke, he noted the slow rise of Kook's head, a movement not alert with fear. „You done scrutinising that rabbit? I'd like to talk."

„What? Oh yeah... sorry." He smiled, stepping into the room and strolling over to the boy rolled up in his blanket. „Is something wrong?" Kook asked, placing his bunny under his pillow.

„No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to thank you for yesterday."

„What happened yesterday?"

„You didn't hurt us. Kook, that made me so proud. I can see your guilt in the scars you cover yourself with because you think you deserve them. I need you to know that you don't deserve it. What you do is out of your control and you shouldn't punish your body because of the acts of your mind."

„Too late for that..." Kook murmured, wiping at his eyes to clear the sleep that had built up in them. He had slept peacefully that night, he slept warm. „I cannot just stop this, Yoongi. Ever since I was a kid I hurt myself ... Five years ago I created my own burden by fucking up my life, things are never going to be the same."

„Stop blaming yourself for that. We pushed you, I pushed you ... and I'm sorry. We're sorry. We shouldn't have pushed you that far..." Kook turned away, raising the back of his hand to his face as he wiped at the pressure behind his eyes, breathing deeply to stop himself from releasing these perilous emotions. „It broke my heart, Kook. To see you like that and to know that I had ruined the rest of your life, it killed me. I see how hard you work these days to be better."Kook's nails dug into his palms, eyes squeezing shut as he grimaced. Then tilted his head to set a hard gaze on Yoongi now stiff by his side.

„I am not doing this for you," He started out low and quiet, "I do not want your approval or to hear how proud you are of how 'lovely' I am becoming." Then his voice rose steadily, his self-hatred seeping through in his words as they turned to distraught screams, "This is for me to be able to bear this hell! This hell that has haunted me since my childhood! You do not understand what I have been through and you never will!" He shoved at Yoongi, pushing him to the floor as he slammed his fists against his chest. He let the cries from deep within his throat fall from his lips, sobbing into Yoongi's shirt as the older held him tight in his arms.

„I know. I know this isn't about us anymore. But just know that I will be here. I've lost my family once, I won't let them go again." The hut stayed rid of conversation, Kook's muffled whimpers being suffocated against Yoongi's chest. He soaked the fabric with his openmouthed cries and dripping tears, unable to hide it anymore.

„I love him." In the silence that had stretched out roughly over three hours, Kook finally spoke, awakening the tired figure resting beside him. Kook treasured Yoongi's nurture since the very first day, Yoongi held him in his arms and raised him with care, even when he was so dismissive of it.