Be found

Make a sound

Soft light entered the room, and woke Evan gently, and he thought that it was more light than he'd seen in his dorm for a good few weeks. The bed was warm, warmer than he was used to, now that they were entering Fall, and it was comforting. There was an arm around him, and legs tangled with his, and a chin hooked over his shoulder, and the familiar and homey smell of Connor overwhelmed his senses. He smiled. For the first time in weeks he felt truly serene.

And then he remembered why he had panicked so badly last night, and why he had spent so much time ignoring the building panic. The paper. A research essay that was entirely too long, due Wednesday in his biology class. He had all the research done, he just couldn't form it into a coherent essay. He had tried several times, and had ended up wanting to rip his own hair out with how hard he was finding it to get his thoughts down on paper.

And Connor's hand was moving, pressing into Evan's chest, right over his heart. "Can you keep calm for five more minutes, Ev? I want just a little more sleep."

The heartbeats. Right. Evan tried to reign in his anxiety provoking thoughts, but it was to no avail, because focusing on it made it worse, and all he could think about was how angry Connor would probably be if he didn't just calm down, so why couldn't he calm down, he just had to-

"Ev, it's okay. I'm sorry, that was probably too much pressure to put on you, I'm just sleepy, I'm not going to get angry just because you're anxious." Connor's arm squeezed tighter around him, and that thick, sleepy quality to Connor's voice was there, but he sounded more awake, more aware than he had been.

"I'm sorry," He breathed out, still trying to get it under control, and Connor was pulling his shoulder back and turning him on his side so that they could see each other.

"You're okay, look, look around, no danger imminent, and I'm right here, and I love you. You're doing so well, are you focusing on your breathing?"

Evan nodded vigorously, and pulled in a breath that he didn't have the control to keep in his lungs, so it left his body just as quickly as it had entered. And now Connor had flung his whole body over Evan's, sure, making it hard to breathe, but there was a calm that the bond brought, and the bodily contact brought that made Evan's head spin. Or maybe that was the shortage of air. Either way, his heart rate was slowing down, and Connor's hand was tracing circles into Evan's palm, and Connor's breath was warm against his neck, and he felt safe, wanted, seen.

He exhaled slowly, and the tears that had been building slipped down his face, and he lifted his head to see Connor looking up at him.

"I'm okay? I think." He said quietly. Connor brought his hand up to Evan's face and wiped away the lingering tears.

"Can I ask what it was that set you off, or will that send you back into a panic?"

Evan opened his mouth to speak but realised he didn't have an answer for that. Instead he shook his head. "Later."

Connor nodded and stroked Evan's cheek, and Evan couldn't help but close his eyes at the soft touch, and couldn't help but wonder at the soft and gentle way his boyfriend had been treating him recently, that stood in harsh contrast to his usual outward demeanour. Though, obviously, Connor was treating him this way because he was fragile, and he needed tiptoeing around, otherwise he might just cry again. Obviously.

"I just- you're not just being this nice just because I'm- because I'm broken right?" Evan had no idea why he had put the thought into words, or why he had then asked the question, but it was out there now.

Connor's eyes widened, and his brows furrowed. "I- okay, first of all," Connor's voice had a contradictory edge to it, but it was still soft, and sweet, and the voice that he never used for anything but lazy Sunday mornings and for Evan. "First of all, you're not broken. You're in need of some support and that's okay. It's okay to need somebody to help you from time to time, you know that, you taught me that. Second of all, of course I'm being nice because you're in need. I'm not going to be mean when you feel like shit, now am I? I love you, and I care for you, and I want to show it, okay?"