what do you call this kind of thing

21. The unexpected

Nats P.O.V.
When I wake up for work, Johnnie doesn't wake up, so I figure that he stayed up really late with Richie. I kiss his forehead before leaving.

Work runs slow and boring. I hope that Johnnie and Richie are having fun.
At the end of the day, I'm changing back into my normal clothes, the dirt makeup off my face, when my agent approaches me.
"Hey Nat." I still hi, hoping this doesn't take too long. "We're wanting to do some extra filming in Portland next week, so we need to know if you have any important things next week that can't be rescheduled. It will only be for three days, all expenses payed."
I'm a bit surprise by this. We usually do all the filming local, keeping the setting consistent for the show. But whatever.
"I'm sure it will be fine." I tell her. I'll have to let Johnnie know I'll be gone for a while next week.

I get home around four, and see Richie leaving in a random car. It must be an uber. Did something happen? I walk into the house, taking off my shoes. "Johnnie?"
I walk in to the living room. He's sitting on the floor holding Jamie. He's wearing a sweater, even though it's borderline hot in here. "Where'd richie go?" I ask. "Did something happen between you guys?" He shakes his head no as I sit down on the floor next to him.
"No....he's visiting another friend until tomorrow..." he still hasn't looked at me. "How was work?"
"Good... are you ok?" I reach over to touch his arm. He flinches. Something's definitely up.
"I had a nightmare last ni-" he's barely audible, and stops when I wrap my arms tightly around him, being careful not to squish Jamie.
"Go on," I say, not moving off of him.
"It was really realistic.... a-and um... in the end of it I went to bed...so when I woke up I-I thought it was r-real still and... I was really freaked out...I didn't remember Richie was here a-and he had to help m-me get back up because I-..." he stops there, tears in his eyes. It breaks my heart to see him like this.
"Johnnie, did you hurt yourself?" I ask quietly. I'm trying not to be mad. I'm not mad at him, but mad at myself. If only I'd woken him up before I left for work this morning. He nods, looking down at Jamie in his lap. Fuck. I gently lift his arm from his lap, trying to roll up his sweater sleeve. He shakes his head pulls away.
"I don't want you to have t-to see it..." he says.
"Johnnie, look at me." When he doesn't, I lift his chin, making his look me in the eyes. "I love you. I love every part of you, regardless of what's under your sleeve. I don't like it, but it doesn't change the way I feel about you. I want to see so I can help. My first job choice out of high school was nursing. I studied the minor stuff for six months. I can help."
"Okay." A tear slides down his face.
I roll up his sleeve. From the base of his wrist all the way up to the inside of his elbow is wrapped in ace bandages. I can see a few spots where blood almost soaked through. "I'll be right back," I say, gently setting his arm in his lap and getting up. I'm going to need sterile wipes, antibiotic ointment, and some hydrogen peroxide and cotton balls. Probably some more gauze too. I grab the first aid kit, which is already on the counter, and a towel from the bathroom.
"Okay..." I say, sitting back down next to him and setting out he things I'll need. He looks afraid. "None of this will hurt, okay?" I tell him, grabbing his hand. He nods, not looking convinced. I let go of his hand and unwrap the bandage slowly and carefully, bringing his arm onto my lap. On pace the gauze is off, I carefully lift off the first strip of gauze. The top layer is soaked through, and so are the three under it. The first four are the worst, the depth and amount of blood getting smaller as I work my way up. Johnnie doesn't look while I dab the cuts with Hydrogen peroxide and put antibiotic cream on them.
19 cuts later, I put a think later of gauze back over his arm and re wrap it in gauze.
"Johnnie?" He hasn't said a word this whole time. He looks up at me. There's tracks down his face from silent tears that I hadn't even noticed while I was busy fixing his arm.
"Your perfect." He says. I wasn't expecting that.
"What do you mean?"
He looks down, and then back up at me. "I mean, besides the obvious being your personality and your face ad physical attributes...You never get mad at me for being self destructive, or having all these issues you shouldn't have to put up with... you always know what to do. Your always so strong and I feel so small next to you. I don't know what I did to deserve you." He says this all very quickly. I wait a second before answering, choosing my words carefully.
"I am mad Johnnie. I'm mad at me for not waking you up to say bye before I left. I'm mad that I can't do more to help you. I'm mad that I can't make your nightmares go away, and I'm mad that you had to be so alone for so long before I met you. I'm flying by the seat of my pants in this relationship, but I'm not giving up, ever. Because I love you." My words fall out, seeming to me like a jumbled mess. "But above all things, you make me feel weak Johnnie. You've been through so much, and your still here. The smallest things would throw me off in life, but here you are, going through hell, and still smiling and being amazing nearly every day. And I love that about you." I feel a tear fall down my face, even though I don't want it too. I have to stay strong for him. There's silent tears falling down his face much more than mine though. " I just want to pick you up and put you back together. But you just keep falling apart in my arms," I whisper.
"I'm s-sorry." He says, looking down.
"It's not your fault." I pull him into my arms, setting Jamie down on the couch. He falls into me, still crying.
We sit like this for a while, until I'm sure Johnnie has stopped crying.
"Have you ever tried going to the doctors?" I ask. "They could give you some kind of sleeping pills or something to help." He shakes his head.
"I've tried everything legal." He glances up at me. "I've also tried illegal, as you know."
I sigh, thinking. "What about counseling?" He's quiet for a while.
"My parents sent me to counseling as a teenager, but I hated it. I haven't been since I was 16."
"Is it something you'll consider? For me?" I throw that on the end, hoping he doesn't think I'm trying to manipulate him. I just want him to feel better.
"I guess." He finally says.
I'll call tomorrow.  But for now, I just hold him. He falls asleep in my arms sitting on the floor. I carefully pick him up a while late, carrying him to our bed and setting him down. He pulls off the sweater he was wearing, and I climb under the covers with him. He kisses me and snuggles up to my chest, quickly falling back asleep.

A/n
Sorry for the cancer...it will get happy again soon don't worry