※The East Girl - Part One※
"Screw humanity. Screw them who said that they would help me. It was all a lie. No one helped me when I was literally begging myself with my eyes for them to help me when they were grabbing me like I was some kind of trash...
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"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take." (Anna, Siobhan and Jake)
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My life had never been easy. But, I knew it wasn't only mine, others' too. Like people said, 'Everyone has their own battle.' So, was mine. But, what the different was, I battle my own self. It was just like... How did I put this into sentence? I meant, have you ever felt that you had to choose between your inner angel and your inner demon? Between what you desired and what you need? Between what you have to and what you want to?
Exactly.
That was what I feel. I didn't feel right to do something I knew it was bad for me. I just couldn't help but, to act on it.
Once, in my high school years, I did a reckless thing. That day, I got pissed off by my mom. I did some project back then, alone. On my own. But, I failed the project. And the teacher who teached had to inform her about it right away. Then, when I got home, I got my mom keep asking me why I failed my project. I knew she had all the right to ask me. But, couldn't she realize that I already felt worst knowing that I have failed?
Disappointed was understatement when I looked at her. Being failed myself was not enough, I had to face her keep throwing me how bad I was failing. It was the first time I ever failed. And she keep throwing me that fact. I just couldn't help it anymore. I then ran away from her, from home. That day, I finally letted myself to be me for once. I letted everything go and just ran off. I couldn't careless about anything.
I was just hurted by how my mom made me feel. Like I was a useless kid. Because all I ever did was for once in my life I have failed her.
But, mom. I'm not perfect. And I certainly would not ever be perfect.
I hated it when my mom demand me to be her perfect daughter. I love my mom to death. And that was why I did everything she wanted me to. She asked me to be the valedictorian in my junior high. And I did. I did it for her. I just couldn't let myself to see her upset. But, that day when she couldn't stop asking me why I failed my project was when all hell break loose. That day when I ran off, I didn't even know that my mom chase after me and got herself into accident.
Because of me.
I just couldn't be near her when all she did was throwing how bad I was failing. I angry at her, I wanted her to know that I wasn't some kind of robot that she would demand everything she ever wanted from her child. I have limit. And I'm sure I am human. Not robot. And that was my limit.
