Just Some Shit I'll Write.

. . .

So...

As many of you know, I am quite fat. Even I'll admit it.

Most of the people I know have never, ever seen me skinny. Not even my girlfriend, the person I would want to be skinny for, has never seen me skinny...

I always just accepted that I was going to be a big kid. Ever since elementary school, I had been that one fat kid. After all the bullying, and teasing, I had just accepted that I was overweight. I've wanted to change it for a very long time, and all the inspiration from friends and family hasn't been able to push me over the edge to be really determined to do it. As some of you may know if you read this book, I met my girlfriend for the first time in real life a couple days before I wrote this. My biggest insecurity is that I wouldn't have been skinny enough for her, or fit enough for her.

She told me that it was fine to be big, and then it made me soft and huggable, like a plushie. I didn't want to stay like this. It's unhealthy. No matter how much I thought she was fine with it. the other part of my brain said that she wasn't okay, that I was too big, that I needed to lose weight, because it was true. This isn't healthy I do need to lose weight.

I will admit, I don't project a very good image to myself or others. I got really out of hand when I started Middle School. I haven't ever told anyone this, but I stress eat. Some people when they have depression or anxiety, will cut or hurt themselves. I however, eat. It makes me feel full both physically, and mentally. This is extremely unhealthy for me and it's gotten me where I am. During Middle School the stress became unbearable. I've gained a lot of weight over the course of Middle School. When I do stress eat, I eat, then I feel slightly better. Then I realize that it's just making me fatter, and it makes me more depressed, so I eat again and again. It's a vicious cycle, that is until I overeat, and can't go anymore. In the end, I just end up more depressed than I started, and I'm disappointed in myself for it.

I talked to my girlfriend last night, and I decided that it was time to put a foot down. It was spontaneous, but I'm glad that I did it. You see, every inspirational story starts with a rude awakening. Mine was that I wasn't the ideal man for my girlfriend, the number one person I would want to impress.

When school starts, I'm going to be going on a diet, doing lots of exercise. My goal is to lose at least 80 pounds, then continue working down from there until I'm comfortable and happy with myself. This won't be instant, as weight loss takes a lot of concentration, willpower, motivation, and time. I will post a picture of myself at the beginning of my diet, and when I have achieved my goal I will post another picture.

I know this sounds stupid, and you probably won't read this. It's understandable, as I'm just some kid on the internet, but any kind or inspirational words are more than appreciated.

I hope to improve myself not only for myself, but for my girlfriend, and our future together.