Just Friends?

.;:Eight.:;

A/N: okay um I'm not gonna write the smut part cause it makes me uncomfortable. But I will write what happens after the smut.... okay bye sorry for being awkward.

Tyler's POV

After the whole sex thing, Josh and I just laid on the bed.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Was um...I okay..like with the whole..um the sex?"

"Tyler Joseph, you were amazing. Don't ever doubt yourself "

"Oh, so I did okay?"

"Yes, Tyler you did okay. I would say awesome! But okay works too" He said sarcastically.

"Shut up" I said playfully hitting Josh's arm.

Josh made me feel like we were the only ones in the world. He made me feel like I mattered. Josh cared for me.

"Tyler" Josh said with his soft voice..

"Yeah?"

"I love you"

"I love you too, Josh"

We went to bed after that where cuddled with Josh. His arms were wrapped around me, he was warm,but was he happy? Here's me again with these thoughts. Of course he was happy.....was he?

I knew Josh loved me but these thoughts...these goddamn thoughts. They wouldn't go away, they said they'll go away once I-I um. Once I'm happier; they'll leave once I'm happier.

They mostly seem to appear at night, not much during the day, or the afternoon.

I think it's because, when you're laying in bed,the whole house is silent. And when the house is silent the voices seem to get louder.

I wasn't gonna let stupid voices ruin my relationship with Josh. Sure he knows that I 'went crazy' but it bugs me that I have to open up and talk about it when things like this happen. It just seems like too much and all that anxiety builds up inside you and once it's big enough it crashes and you just want to run away from your own mind, from your own thoughts.

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I woke up letting out a yawn, but I noticed that Josh wasn't in bed. I don't know if he's down stairs or somewhere else like...the moon. But I did smell something delicious coming from the kitchen.

"Oh you're up, cool I made breakfast. I don't know if you eat breakfast but I made some and if you're not hungry we can just-" I cut off Josh in mid sentence cause his anxiety started to come out (like me)

"Josh you're fine, I don't eat...in the morning" I quickly added hoping Josh didn't notice.

"Okay good cause I wasn't sure if you wanted breakfast.....wait what did you say? You don't eat?"

He knew Tyler run, run and don't come back cause he hates you. You're just a boy who starves himself who thinks that's the why to everything. But you know the real why to make everything go away.

"Tyler? What did you say?"

Don't tell him. He's gonna think you're still crazy, he'll call the mental institution. You'll be put back into a straight jacket and you'll cry for help all over again.

"TYLER!! Speak to me, you're scaring me"

"STOP IT, he loves me, he won't leave me. You're lying"