How Would You Feel [UsUk]

Chapter Two

Ten minutes into the meeting, and Arthur already felt disturbed by the looks he had received from many nations, including some of his allies in the past.
He didn't enjoy how his skirt was being pulled from under the table or threw offensive words at him when it was finally his turn to hold a short speech.

Alfred tried to calm the others down, but it soon turned into something more than just a few insults.

"Get out of here, England! You call yourself a strong nation, and then you appear to a world meeting in a fucking dress?" Gilbert let out a string of his usual obnoxious laughter as he sat next to his brother Ludwig who, just like Alfred, tried to keep everyone in peace.

"You bastard! Who let you hold the speech looking like that? You're not a girl, goddammit!" The southern Italian nation, Lovino, threw his words in a harsh accent, but his brother soon calmed him down.

"Don't be like that! Arthur is our friend! If he wants to wear a pretty flower dress which looks nice on him, let him do it!"

After those words, everyone in the meeting room fell silent. They came from the person they least expected it from - Feliciano.

Arthur stood in front of everyone, blushing immensely and giving a grateful smile towards the young Italian. "Thank you."

"Meeting adjourned, everyone. I think you all need some time to calm yourselves down." Ludwig sternly said and sighed, crossing his arms and waiting for everyone to leave. He didn't agree with what Arthur decided to wear, but he couldn't stand the noise that everyone was making in the room.

"Thank goodness, all this was getting boring already. Just one thing... Lay a finger on my Arthur, anyone, and you're gonna get it." Alfred threatened with a serious expression, going up to the lost and confused Brit who was still standing in front of everyone.

I didn't even get to finish my speech.

What did I ever do wrong to them?

"You're crying." Alfred took him by the hand, making him snap out of thought.

"O-oh. I didn't realize." He muttered out, but before he was able to do anything, the American wiped off his tears and lead them both out of the meeting room quickly.

*********

Later in the day, Arthur found himself back in the hotel room, too tired to travel back to London. Exhausted from the thoughts he had about himself.
Awfully tired from being... Different.

Every time it's the same... It's like they can see through all my pain and try to  make it worse than it already is.

Don't they know I'm so goddamn insecure?

Every time I look at myself in the mirror... I see the person who I'm not. I see a stranger.

Is it so much to ask? I just want to be who I am.

I'm a girl. I hate wearing suits, I hate my name, I hate the way I look...

And maybe it would be much better if they understood.

But nobody does.

And with those thoughts, he stirred around on the bed and buried his face in the pillow, tears streaming down his face rapidly, making him let out two or three choked out sobs.

Maybe they are right... Maybe this is payback from everything I've done to them before.

Luckily, his darkened thoughts were interrupted by a phone call - the loud ringtone of Galway Girl played immediately, scaring him on a moment before he got the hold of his surroundings.

It was Alfred.

He wiped off his tears and put on his best calm voice on, answering the phone carefully.

"H-hello?"
"Ahoy, Artie! Where are you right now? Still in the hotel?"
"Yes, I'm here."
"So, uh, want to come over to my room?"

Alfred's words made the British nation blush a little, but not in a good way.
The American tried to get intimate a couple of times, but Arthur refused it every time. He wasn't able to.

He felt like the body he was in, wasn't his. Wasn't right.
Sadly there was no courage to say that to Alfred, so he just pushed him away every time.

"W-well, depends on what were your plans."
"I dunno, watch a film and cuddle together? I just want to be with you."

Oh thank goodness, he didn't have a 'special night' in plan. I hope.

"...Right. Your room number, again? I keep forgetting." Arthur sighed and crossed his legs on the bed to get a more comfortable position.

"Room 203."

"I'll be there in a few."

*********

Just as promised, Arthur arrived at Alfred's room in a little less than five minutes, finding a really eager American at the door pulling him into a hug.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. Now get off me." Arthur pushed him off and stepped into the room with a sigh. It was so messy. Did Alfred ever bother to clean after himself, even after staying here for two days before he gets back to London with Arthur?

"Kiku told me you're very tsundere, whatever that means. But I'll use the word 'cause it sounds cool!" Alfred chuckled at his boyfriend and took him softly by the hand, leading the both of them onto the bed - the only place where they were able to sit down in this small hotel room. Arthur wasn't too comfortable with it, though.

Arthur just huffed in response and cuddled up to the American, feeling uneasy at the different kind of closeness that the other was trying to achieve.

"Alfred, I'd be very thankful if we would stick just to cuddling, okay?" The blonde Brit politely shifted away a little, making the other sigh.

"But we've been together for almost five months, and you're hiding away every time...!"

"I'm sorry, Alfred... I just... Can't." He muttered in an unsteady voice, getting a small nod of understanding from the American.

I can't tell him.

Not yet.

*********

A/N

I think this turned out pretty good.

What do you think?

Thanks for reading!