Without You (Tony Oller fan fiction)

Wipe Away Your Fears

"Tony, no. Please." Jenna begged, her eyes overflowing with tears.

"I'm sorry," Tony smiled through the tears, "I can't do this anymore. I can't sit back and waste away, wondering why you are too. I know in my heart that I make you happy, and Jenna; I fucking love you more than anything, but I can't do this to you. I'm dying inside, no amount of love can save me." He continued through constant tears and pain, as he walked out the door.

"You may be broken, but it's only temporary. It doesn't make you your downfalls, it makes you human. If you love me as much as you say, you'd never want to hurt me. You'd love me unconditionally, right?" She muttered trying to be strong, knowing that as soon as Tony walked out that door, chances are he'd make harsh decisions. And she feared after everything she'd been going through with him, and his re-occurring manic-depressive episodes that he'd give up on himself.

Tony's face was washed over with rage, he slammed the door behind him and walked to the other side of the counter.

"How many god damn times do I have to tell you, Jenna?! I love you more than anything! But how the fuck can you love me when I don't even love myself anymore?"

"Because you're still the Tony I met almost a year ago, falling off that stage and landing on me. The same Tony with a beautiful passion to do whatever he loves, the one that lives for the moment, the one that taught me to hold onto life's unthinkable moments, to never let them go, and the most perfect human I've ever grown to love. You'd be stupid to think I'd ever willingly let you leave, or hurt yourself, without putting myself on the line. Everyone always told me when I was younger to fight for what I love. Darling, I'd die on the battlefield to prove to you, I'd never stop loving you. You mean everything in the world to me and more."

Tony closed his eyes and fell to his knees; tears rolled off his cheeks.

"Jenna. I can't keep doing this to you. You're wasting away because of me. You're dying inside. And you shouldn't have to. I'm fucked up right now, and you don't deserve to be put through this with me!" He yelped in emotional pain.

"Somehow you still put up with me." Jenna smiled, kneeling beside tony.

Even though he was in tears, broken inside, hurt by the world, she still loved everything about him. She wanted him to see how perfect he was in her eyes.

"Because I'm in love with you."

"Prove it." She smirked, she didn't want him to go if he loved her the way she loved him. Tony was stubborn though.

He pulled her body closer, against his.

He wrapped his arms around her waste and kissed her lips.

He pulled away, but only lips. Their foreheads were still touching, and he was staring straight into her big, blue, innocent eyes.

Jenna grabbed a pen off the counter and took Tony's right wrist in her hand.

She positioned herself in his lap, and began writing.

When she was finished, Tony smiled, still in tears, and read the sloppy writing.

"Forever." He read.

"Forever?" He asked, in confusion as to why she wrote it.

"Forever. As in, forever I will support your decisions. Forever I will admire the things you do to make yourself happy. Forever I will adore those beautiful emerald eyes. Forever I will try my best to make you wake up with a grin on your face, and a song in your heart. It's no promise ring, but forever, I will love you." She smiled pulling him in for another quick kiss.

"I love you more than I've ever loved any other human before, Jenna. But I still can't put you through all of this pain."

"Pain is inevitable. But you causing me pain by leaving isn't." Jenna began getting tearful once more.

Tony stood up, gathered what was left of his pride in that moment, and began walking out the door. "I'm so sorry." He mumbled, leaving.

Jenna; in that large downtown Los Angeles apartment, alone.

Her thoughts, her sadness, and herself were the only company she had.

She curled up into a ball and began sobbing loudly.

In intervals.

Loud, atrocious, blood-curdling sobs.

"Jenna, baby. Jenna. Honey, are you alright? Wake up. Please stop crying, cutie." Tony shook Jenna awake.

She had been sobbing out loud, the way she had been in her dream.

"T-tony?" She cried

"Yes, honey. What's wrong?"

"You're not leaving me? You're still here?"

Tony gasped, in shock, absolutely appalled. "Why would I ever leave the gravity in my universe? Why would I walk away from my better half. Without you, I'd be empty."

He began wiping her tears with his thumbs, and tucking lose strands of hair behind either of her ears.

"Without you, I'd be just another love-sick puppy, with no heart because it belonged to a perfect girl that had not a clue of my existence. Now tell me, why the fuck would I ever leave you?"

Jenna was in awe, from pain due to the dream but happiness because of what Tony had said to her.

"Because you're hurt?" She quivered, hoping tony wouldn't be mad she doubted his loyalty to loving her.

"Nothing would hurt me more than losing you. Now tell me, what was that dream all about? I don't want you thinking anything that happened in that dream were for reals." He comforted, and began running his fingers down her arm, meeting her hand, interlocking fingers.

"I lost you. You were hurt, and....-"

"And I walked away?" He asked, saddened by the thought.

She turned her head to make eye contact and began nodding, more tears stinging at her eyes. She blinked them away quickly.

He planted a kiss on her forehead and smiled, "I'll leave someday, when the grass turns blue and the desert floods." He laughed, "Please trust me when I say I'd never leave you behind. I need you like Malcolm needs snapbacks. And for the rest of my life, I will loyally love you. If along the way, one of us breaks down, and hurts, we'll be each others' support system. I can promise you, as long as you have me, the pain of being alone will never burden you. My princess only deserves the best."

He smiled, before he picked her up wedding -style and carried her out to the living room, where they spent their Saturday afternoon watching hospital dramas.

Tony never wanted Jenna hurt.

Jenna never wanted Tony hurt.

We don't always get what we want.

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-Jules