Without You (Tony Oller fan fiction)

Foreshadow

Tony closed his eyes.

His head was resting in Jenna's lap.

Jenna was sitting on the couch, while Tony laid on his back, while she rubbed his stomach and assured him everything would be okay.

"Stop. Just stop," he sobbed in agony, "Everyone always tells me everything will be okay. Ever since I was little, every time something bad happens, everyone starts in with that bullshit. Nothing is going to be okay. Nothing will ever be okay. It may be better, but the next step up from where I am now is not 'okay.' I'm at fucking rock bottom. I'm broken to a point where loving you is the only thing keeping me alive. While I do love you more than any human being has ever loved anything, I don't love myself. How can you love a man that looks in the mirror and is disgusted? It's not my physical appearance that repulsed me, no. It's the man I have become. It's that I've literally nothing more than a soul dependent on others to provide me the happiness I was always too naive to provide myself with all these years. I depend heavily on others not to let me down, not to give up on this person I've transformed myself into all these years. While everyone promised to support me and love me unconditionally, I was truly blissful with myself, because I had others there to support me, love me, but now I'm disgusted with my immature ways. I trusted. I believed. I lived in ignorance for so long. I was a fucking idiot. How I ever managed to somehow stumble upon a prize such as yourself is far beyond my understanding of life. You're perfect in every way, and I know I'm going to have to let you go. I can't bring you down and expose you to my harsh stupidity and grief any longer. You deserve nothing more than pure happiness, and everlasting love. I promise you I love you, but I cannot burden you with the man I've become. It's not that I don't love you, because I really do. I love you more than I've ever loved anything or anyone, but with love comes responsibility. I cannot take on responsibility in this time of grieving. I love you, and maybe someday we can pursue each other again, but for now, I can't hurt you by hurting myself." He managed before his heart burst. The tears flowed out of him like a storm. Little did Tony know his thoughts, morphing things would cause things far beyond the painful words he'd released into the air between his face and Jenna's.

He rolled onto his side, his head still lay in Jenna's lap.

She looked straight ahead, and with a grieving breath, she set the truth free. She broke a bond. She ended what could have been, "it's okay," she hummed, as his tears dampened her lap.

"I loved Malcolm anyways," she huffed.

Tony's heart sank.

He knew that nothing he had done up until this point had meant a thing to her. The entire time, she cared for nothing more than a man he would never be.

He thought what he'd heard was truly what he did, but he was wrong.

Tony heard what he wanted to hear.

He wanted a reason to say goodbye without hurting her, because he loved her.

Little did he know, he was only damaging himself.

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(Short chapter)