head mess | poetry

| naive and alone |

are we okay? are we okay, is what I'd like to inquire, under that blinding spot light, under those prying eyes. Are we okay? But you see, I fear the outcome, what may come out of your mouth. What may come out of your mouth like knives, gently, gently stabbing me. What may come out of your mouth to confirm the doubts weighing on my already heavy slouching shoulders. But you see, I'm so afraid, I'm so afraid of the truth, I'm so afraid that you and I will leave and walk separate ways and leave behind a trail of broken star fragments that used to shine in the others eyes and watch as the cracked hearts lying at our feet cry out, to which we will merely kick away from us in disgust. YOU SEE, CANT YOU SEE, I AM SO AFRAID I AM SO AFRAID. I WRITE THIS IN HOPE OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL EYES LAYING YOUR SIGHT UPON THEM, AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, you'll answer the question for me. You'll answer with out me asking. For if you still love me, if you can still look at me and wish to spend the rest of your life with me, if you can hold my hand and not consider letting go, if you can kiss me with all your might, if you can hug me with all your strength, if you can still love me, IF YOU CAN STILL LOVE ME, THEN BY GOD SAY SO BY GOD SAY SO BECAUSE EACH NIGHT THAT WE ARE SILENT EACH NIGHT WE DONT SPEAK AND EACH DAY I ASK HOW YOU ARE AND YOU ARE OKAY AND YOU SMILE BUT WE DONT SPEAK WE DONT SPEAK WE DONT SPEAK YOU SEE CAN YOU SEE EVERYONE IS RIGHT EVERY ONE IS SO FUCKING RIGHT WHY AM I SO FUCKING NAIVE WHY AM I SO FUCKING NAIVE WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE US WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY WE ARE JUST FRIENDS WITH A LABEL maybe because we are. ever stop to think about it? maybe because we are stupid and we were trying so hard to have that picture perfect love that was all about whispering sweet nothings in the others ear and rubbing circles into the others back and suddenly finding yourself holding hands and making midnight runs to see their face and hour long phone calls just because you love their voice BUT NO WE CANT WE CANT WE CANT BECAUSE THE EFFORT IS NOT THERE THE EFFORT IS NOT THERE AND IF WE BOTH THINK WE CAN LAST WITH WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW GOD DAMN WE ARE BOTH DELUSIONAL WE ARE FUCKING LUNATICS. I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE A LIE ANY LONGER. I WILL WORK UP THE COURAGE TO SPEAK TO YOU AND ASK FOR YOUR THOUGHTS AND IF THERE IS TEARS LET THERE BE TEARS AND IF THERE IS HEARTBREAK LET THERE BE HEARTBREAK BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT we will die like this. we die naive and we will die alone. we will die naive and we will die alone. we will die naive and we will die alone. we will die naive and we will die alone. we will die naive and we will die alone. we will die naive and we will die alone.

[r.k.]