Letters To Him.

E n d O f T h e C y c l e

Guess what?
I finally got to know why it ended!
It wasn't what I wanted to hear at all, but I did get the explanation, right?
Turns out it was too much responsibility and he just didn't feel the same because who on earth likes a long-distance relationship? To be honest not even I do, I'm pretty insecure about everything even when I have people in front of me so...
Anyway, so I was kind of upset since it was over the phone but I did explain that I could've gotten the point even if it was through a screen rather than a "Facebook User" message saying I could no longer respond and a clear block on WhatsApp.
I had seen it coming, but I didn't want to believe it because I was so happy and excited. I was preparing myself to tell him that I was moving back to my hometown and we could get to see each other soon and distance would no longer be a problem, but that couldn't happen.
Did I tell you we had plenty of plans? I was so looking forward to get through the complete list we were writing together, and the other ones he didn't want to tell me because they were surprises. My cousins said they could go with me to some places from the list, but it won't be the same, I wanted to be with him, with him and JJ. He used to say all three of us could go. Do you know how important that is to me?
I can't really tell exactly what happened, I didn't get to have a heart-deep conversation with him so I just got the short goodbye we said on the phone.
But I suppose it's fine. I mean you would make fun of me for being such a naive girl with only 3/4 of a month with someone, wouldn't you? I feel I'm not making much of a fuss about it, after the situation between you and I, I guess it's just easier to make my mind stop thinking about him.
I don't want to delete anything like I did with you, nor pictures or messages, I want to be able to remember unlike with you.
I just hope I don't get another heartache soon because honestly Shakespeare loves those for me, but it's tiring. I don't want to anymore. He was great, he was him and I wanted him for that.

But you know, being a good girl, respectful, and smart is never enough, never. Because there are always "better" and more "fitting" for me, but they can't seem to find me and it's just not fair.

Although I do get to close my wound, to let it heal, I can't say I'm satisfied. I can't say anything rather than life liking the bad hits for me.