Letters To Him.

So Much Time

It's been 5 months since we broke up, I have my baby, and you got your girlfriend.
God, you cannot imagine how hard it hit me to go to your social media, to see someone's eyes. And I wondered what it was, as the curious girl I am, so I checked.
I swear I can still feel how my heart dropped.
Since that day, I lost too much weight. To the point where people thought I was sick, but no. My body was just going through depression. What people saw was that I got even skinnier than I was before I had our baby.
But why?
There were too many chances, so much time for you to leave permanently before, yet when he was born you decided to restart, you decided to be the father you didn't have. You dared to say, "I'm sorry for everything, I want to do this right, I've missed you, and I'm ready to be a father." All of that for nothing, because it lasted my baby's first 4 months.
I'm really glad you turned and left before he got a chance to know what was going on. If it's going to hurt when he grows up to know his dad didn't fight more for him, imagine how he would have felt to be conscious and watch your back as you walk away. And tell me how it is because I can't.
I can't believe all the damage you've done, and everything you always tell everyone about me not letting you see baby boy.
It obviously doesn't affect me in any way what they say, it's just what comes out of your mouth that makes me wonder if my baby was just out of lust from your part or if you meant to at the time.