Come Back Home (RM Fanfic)

Chapter 22

A/N: This chapter mentions depression suicide etc. If such things trigger you please don't read the part I marked as a trigger warning.

BTS- Tomorrow

Namjoon P.O.V

We all decided to take Breanna shopping. We really want her to feel like we care. Plus, it gives us the perfect chance to spoil her and get to know her even more. When Jin told her what we were going to do we knew she would tell us no because she was that kind of girl. She wasn't into all the material things. It seems food makes her happy most of the time.

She does wear jewelry though, but not lots of it. When she told us, she would let us buy stuff for her. She was quick to say she wasn't going to go all out and be very reserved when picking out what she wanted. This made us hold our tongues. We wanted her to go all out and have fun, so we decided to take note of everything that seemed to catch her attention and buy it in secret. I really was happy to do anything with her that could help us grow closer.

I think we all did. The thing was we didn't want her to leave. We wanted her to stay here but she was leaving in 3 days. However, we were working on a way to get her to move here with her family. She seemed pretty guarded about her past, tonight we hoped we could get her to open up. I had realized that she wasn't as happy as she seemed.

There were times when she would space off, and I could tell she wasn't okay when it happened. It made me wonder even more about her past. I also learned I wasn't the only one who noticed this about her. The others and I discussed this before and that was part of the reason for the shopping spree. Her happiness was everything to us... Especially me.

Time skip normal p.o.v

By the time we made it to the boy's house, it was after 6 pm. The boys had taken me shopping and out to eat. Then took me to get ice cream. I was so happy, and I felt like they really cared for me was nice. I was used to being the outsider with little to no friends. I was usually afraid to talk because I was bad at having conversations.

I usually felt awkward and unsure. Always worried that I was going to say something bad or my words would be taken wrong. However, I had none of these problems around BTS. They were just as awkward as me which was really nice. I never laughed and smiled as much as I do with them. There were times when I felt my mask slip and yet they said nothing.

I think tonight I should tell them. I don't want to worry them because even though they don't ask I know they are wondering. It was up to me to let them in all the way. The living room floor was covered in blankets and I looked at them questioningly. J-Hope got excited, "We're making it into a real slumber party. Everyone in the same room and on the floor".

"We're going to have lots of snacks and play games too". Was I surprised they were giving up their beds? "Oh, and if you want since you're the only girl you can sleep on the couch if you rather",
V added quickly. I smiled "Nah I will rather be on the floor with you guys because it's only fair and you guys will keep me warm!" That seemed to make them happy but Yoongi said he would take the couch then. I looked at him with a 'are you for real' look.

Jungkook shook his head, "Your no fun Hyung." He said and Yoongi told him he should be happy that he was even willing to sleep out here instead of his room. I just shook my head he was right at least he was willing to participate. I sat on the couch between Namjoon and V. "So, before we start having fun I have some more serious to talk about," I tell them nervously and bit my lip.

They all calmed down and looked at me with serious faces. It felt weird having them look at me like that. They looked worried like I was going to give them bad news or something. "It's nothing bad. It's just I feel like you guys have the right to know about my past. I know I haven't talked about myself much and it's not fair to you guys".

"I know lots about you and you guys know next to nothing. So, bear with me and let me tell you my story". They gave me encouraging smiles and Namjoon and V held me in their arms. "So, I have had a pretty rough life. My mom raised me and my sisters on her own. She was always hard working, but we moved around a lot.

I'm the oldest so once I was old enough, I started looking after my sisters and myself. I also learned how to cook because of that. My dad is alive but not part of my life. (TRIGGER WARNING) When I was little I was sexually harassed or something like that by a man. I don't remember much because our brains like to block bad memories". I shivered a little recalling what I could. I felt arms tighten around me.

"Anyways once I hit middle school I started developing severe depression and anxiety. Since at least my first year of high school my depression got worst. I became very suicidal and unstable. I started getting hospitalized. So often that all the staff knew me, and I knew them. I almost started self-harm, that one time I would have if the blade hadn't been dull".

I spoke about this stuff in a flat voice just recalling everything. I clinched one hand around my other wrist. Recalling the feel of the blade on my wrist. "I never cut but I would scratch my arms up with my nails. But that's the furthest I've gone. I never attempted suicide but thought about it a lot".

"I would picture things in my head, bad things. One thing I remember the most is one time I had like a vision of crimson covering the walls of my room.
With me lifeless and staring at nothing. Blood on the floor from the wounds I gave myself. Or maybe I would keep it simple and just overdose. I thought about this stuff but never did.

I was scared of myself and would willingly go into the mental ward. School became hard for me due to my depressed state and from missing so many days while I got help. It wasn't until somewhat recently I got better mentally. I struggled for so many years. I'm to the point I don't remember my life before the depression. I've been doing so much better now though".

"People tell me they are starting to see the old me again". I finished my tale and looked down at my lap silently letting them process everything I told them. I just hopped their opinions on me wouldn't change.