Come Back Home (RM Fanfic)

Chapter 42

BTS RM- What am I to you?

"I'm so sorry Jagi", Namjoon whispers softly. His warm and gentle brown eyes sad and held himself like a wounded animal, like a kicked puppy. My heart shattered to see his handsome face full of hurt. Gone was his smile with those irresistible dimples, gone was the proud and confident leader of BTS. "WHY! WHY"! I screamed over and over again unable to choke out more than one word.

My voice laced with pain and thick with tears. My throat ached, and my face was soaked with my tears. He didn't move just stood there all lost and broken. I wanted to tell him he had no reason to be broken, he did this to us. I was the broken one, but still unable to let him go. I reached for his face, wanting to cradle him in my arms and feel the soft brush of his lips on mine.

I wanted to keep him near me forever. My hands went through him and he faded away. "NO, NO, don't leave me, please come back! I yelled as my legs gave out and I fell to the ground. My arm still outstretched and fingers grasping thin air. Through blurry eyes, I saw him materialized before me again and I wanted to shout with joy, but the happiness faded, and horror replaced it.

Behind him stood John, with a sharp blade. "Namjoon, run"! I screamed with all my might, but he just laughed. The sound was music to my ears normally but instead filled me with dread. I shivered as the temperature of the room around me dropped. I just watched with wide eyes, unable to do anything as John drew closer.

Silently I begged with my eyes for it to stop, begging for John to disappear. Instead, the two males stood together, hand in hand. I was confused, scared and felt hopeless. "Ah Joonie, look at her, so pathetic, you broke her so prettily". I wanted to yell at him tell him It wasn't true. Tell him Namjoon loved me and that he needed to leave us alone.

When I opened my mouth, nothing came out and my throat constricted. Namjoon smiled wickedly. "Yes, she was fun to break, she fell apart beautifully. Such a shame, I was hoping she would last longer than this. I'm disappointed, but It was fun while it lasted". No, no this wasn't him, this wasn't the man I fell for, there was no way this was true.... right?

I couldn't believe my ears. The two males looked at my panicked face and laughed together. My attention was drawn back to the gleaming blade in johns left hand. Noticing my glance John smirked. "A Joonie, my love she's eyeing our surprise". His love? no, it wasn't true!

I wanted Namjoon to tell him off, but he did nothing just glanced at the blade. "You broke her, so you should do the honors. Do you want to finish her, or do you want her to do it herself? It would be amusing to watch her fight herself. Wanting to stop but unable to do so. Her pleas and the horror in her eyes".

"Unable to stop the blade welded by her own hand would be beautiful to see. Just the thought sends delightful shivers through my body".
"You sick twisted bastard"! I wanted to hiss but once again unable to do so. The imaginary hand crushing my neck tightened again and I gasped as my air flow diminished. "Then again I would also be just as amusing to watch her get killed by her lover".

"Both ideas are tantalizing". John finished and Namjoon's eyes flashed for a minute almost to their normal genital glaze, but the moment passed quickly. Cold darkened orbs locked with my eyes again. Slowly he walked towards me, panic filled me, and I tried to move but I was immobile. "No, please, this isn't you!" I yelled in my head, but he never faulted in seconds his face was a couple inches from my own.

The blade was raised above his head ready to kill. "I'm so sorry, I can't disobey him". He whispered with regret as his eyes returned to their normal kindness for a split second. The moment passed by in a blink and went back to the mad gaze. The blade arched towards my heart once again and I screamed. I woke up screaming bloody murder in my hospital bed.

I was covered in cold sweat breathing rapidly A nurse had already rushed into my room and I felt the fear still evading my body. My breathing increased and chest heaving. Vaguely I was aware I was in the clutches of a panic attack. My vision was fuzzy, I was dizzy, and my head felt light. The nurse reached for me and I flinched away still in the clutches of my nightmare.

"No, please don't hurt me, please". I said like a mantra over and over again. I felt fidgety and trapped, the panic increased. Absentmindedly I heard the nurse calling for pack up and a sedative. The worried nurse reached for me again and I flinched away. She looked conflicted as she continued to reach for me.

I knew if I was in the right mind I would realize she was trying to help and didn't want me to injure myself. When I was pinned fearfully I buckled against the people holding me down, trying to escape. "No, no, please, please. I begged then there was a sharp pain.
My body tensed at the sensation and in a matter of moments, I grew weak and stopped fighting. It was like all my strength had been drained from me.

Tears still silently fell down but the weight holding me disappeared and I felt relieved. "Breanna, what happened'? I heard a genital female voice question me. Slowly I told her of my dream. My voice thick with exhaustion. She nodded and wrote as I told her all about it.

I stared at the white ceiling above me not looking at her until I was finished. I noticed the nurse was young and very beautiful in my eyes. Her eyes were slanted and cat-like but big and beautiful. Perfect heart shaped face, plump lips and long black hair in a braid down her back. She was slim but curvy from what I could tell. "Who is this John guy"?

"Why are you scared of him?" I shook my head to afraid to tell her. How do you tell someone that your famous boyfriend's obsessive, psychic stalker somehow escaped an insane asylum? Then proceeded to kill your Korean tutor and wants you dead? "Can you at least give me his last name?" I shook my head again and she sighed.

"Do, do you know who the people are that brought me to the hospital when I was rushed to the emergency room?" I asked hesitantly. It's not like I can just tell anyone that I'm best friends with BTS. Unless they knew already, she nodded. "Good, ask them not me please..." I begged softly, and she gave me a knowing look.

"Of course, we really debated about asking you now or later. But as they say, you got to strike when the irons hot. I'll leave you alone to rest. Take your time before heading to the group room today". I nodded my eyes already closed the room went dark and I surrendered myself to the embrace of sleep once again. Hoping that another nightmare doesn't come.

When I woke up again the sun was streaming through the window in my room. It took a couple moments, but the cobwebs left behind from sleeping slowly cleared away and I was able to think clearly again. I shivered as parts of my dream invaded my mind eye. The dreams details already fading. Sluggishly I crawled out of my bed and made my way to the group room, my stomach growling. After I ate, the doctor came to talk to me.

He asked the normal questions. Like any new side effects from the medicine? How did you sleep? How are you feeling? Suicidal at all? Depressed? anxious etc.

He then asked about the panic attack I had in the dead of the night. "Do things like that happen to you often? Is there anything that triggered it? Along with that dreaded question of who was John and Namjoon? After the endless question, he decided that I needed to stay a couple more days. Just to make sure I don't have another 'episode'.

Afterward, he would talk to me about getting discharged. My thoughts strayed to the dream and I realized I remembered even less than before. The fear and the heartbreak from the dream lingered though and that was enough for me. "Namjoon, what exactly am I to you?" I questioned softly. Then busied me with reading a book. Not wanting to think anymore.