We all start laughing. We put posters outside of the theater and wait until 5:00. At exactly 5:00, the doors bust open and a flock of teenage girls come through. "Oh boy" lin says. I giggle. I get up to the keyboard. Some boys come in. We finish auditions. "Thank you all for auditioning. We will have the cast list posted in a moment." Lin says. I walk down to the boys and lin and we talk about what parts to give out. "That Amelia girl was really good." Jonah says.
"Yeah, she could be Angelica." Daniel says.
"I think jack should be burr and corbyn should be washington. Zach is best for Hamilton and Trinity Eliza." Lin says.
"Are you sure?" I ask.
"Of course, you're all great for it. Daniel should be Laurens and Jonah can be Jefferson." He says.
We finish the cast list and post it. Everyone scrambles around and there is a lot of cheering and sobs.
"We really appreciate everyone who showed up. The first rehearsal will be Sunday at noon" lin says. Everyone leaves. I check my phone. There's a text from Logan.
L-ndkjej837!:!ndn
T-what?
He texts back almost immediately.
L-nsnsjsniwi&:!!jsjjsnsnsbsb
T-are you ok?
He doesn't text back.
I walk back to the apartment. I see Logan sitting on the couch watching tv. "Why weren't you answering me?" I half yell.
"What are you talking about?" He asks.
"You didn't answer my texts and then you send gibberish!" I say.
"Oh, my phone got stolen. I ordered a new one."
"Ok, It scared the crap out of me."
"Sorry. How'd your auditions go?"
"Really well. I'm Eliza."
"Cool. And that is..." he asks.
"Hamiltons wife" I reply.
"Right. "
"Where were you this morning?" I ask.
"I had to go do business stuff."
"Ok" I say. He was hiding something. He was doing business a lot recently, more often than not. I hardly saw him anymore because of all of this "business". He would tell me what it was about.
"Are you not telling me something?" I ask.
"I... I have a girlfriend." Logan spits out. I could tell he was uncomfortable telling me. "I didn't want to tell you this way, but I guess it'll do."
"Oh. I just- I..." i pause. "I thought you were going to get rid of me."
"Why would I do that?"
"I've just been so difficult. I'm a massive pain, I'm just a space filler."
"You're not. You're so talented. You could change the world."
"I'm not so sure about that. I fell in a hole that I can't get out of when I became an orphan. You're bound to take me back soon. I've never been in a home for longer than 5 months."
"I didn't know, I'm so sorry"
"It's my own fault, i won't open up to anybody." I rant. I run to my room and lock the door. I find spare heads for my razor and break out a blade. I cut myself 8 times.
1 for the walls I've built around myself
1 for my stupidity for thinking Logan was different
2 for Jake and Alissa
3 for my parents
Logan pounds on the door. "Trinity, please let me in. I feel bad for not knowing about your issues." He says.
"Well, me and my 'issues' are just fine in here. I'm not letting you in." I yell back.
"Please, I know you're cutting yourself" he pleads.
"You can't make me stop. You can lock me in a box so I can't get hurt and I'll still cut myself."
I can hear him sniffle and start to cry softly. I really want to just hug him, but I have to stay in here. He doesn't understand what I'm going through. My phone buzzes. I get a text from Zach.
Z- are you ok?
I ignore him.
Z- I know you read that.
T- so?
Z- I'm worried about you. Logan told me what happened.
T- Logan told you to say that. No one cares about how I feel
Z- I really do. Just talk to me.
T- no. Leave me alone.
Z- I know you want to talk to someone. I'm here for you.
T- I told you to leave me alone! What is not clear about that?
Z- I'm just trying to help.
T- well, you're doing a really crappy job of helping. I'll be happy if you just stop talking to me. I know you don't really care
Z- please, Trinity.
T- quit talking to me! I'll be just fine when you admit Logan told you to try to get something out of me
Z- he didn't tell me to! I genuinely care about you.
T- no one really does
Z- fine, if you won't talk, I'll leave you alone. Just know that you really hurt my feelings.
T- what are you, a little kid? I don't care. Goodbye Zach.
Z- please...
I don't answer. Logan is still crying outside of my door. I really need a hug, but I can't break down my barriers. He starts to sing. I'd never heard him sing before. I realize he's singing dear theodosia.
"Dear theodosia, what to say to you. You have my eyes, you have your mothers name. When you came into the world you cried and it broke my heart. I'm dedicating everyday to you, domestic life was never quite my style and when you smile, you knock me out I fall apart and I thought I was so smart." He sings to the end of Burrs part. I start to sing hamiltons part.
"Oh, Philip, when you smile I am undone, my son. Look at my son, pride is not the word I'm looking for, there is so much more inside me now. Oh, Philip you outshine the morning sun, my son. When you smile, I fall apart and I thought I was so smart."
Both of us are full out crying now.
"I'm so, so, so sorry. I should've never said anything." Logan sobs.
"I'm sorry too, I've built big walls around myself and I can't get around them. I'll try to open up more." I say.
I open the door and Logan wraps his arms around me.
