War Technicalities [UNDER REVISION]

My First Love

[Unrevised. 4 Years Old. Prepare for inconsistencies with previous chapters.]

Right back in the hell and sorrow she was in before, Haley sat, curled into a ball, and shivered in her hut, her coat still wrapped around her body but wet, filthy and colder than ice. Sniffling softly, she rubbed her puffy eyes for what felt to be the millionth time that minute, her cheeks already burning under the hot and salty drops. The sun barely shined in the late hour and above the cloudy skies, but still she was able to stare at her faint shadow as the light pierced through the entrance of her hut and cascaded over her back, and thus, she was able to see the hunched silhouette gliding into her doorway, a silhouette that she quickly recognized and acknowledged with the fearful stiffen of her entire frame.

"Go. Away." She warned weakly, hugging her knees more tightly to her aching chest and body, "I'm honestly too tired to deal with you right now." She heard him grunt disapprovingly, but she only grunted mockingly in return before she continued, "I don't want to look at you right now, so just leave!" Unlike what she expected, however, a strange quiet befell Koba. She knew he was still there, she could still see his shadow, but he didn't move, budge, or make a sound.

Only eventually did he gibber with a foreign, gentle tone before she heard him slip inside and plant himself down behind her, his gaze glued to the world outside. Strangely enough, the action made Haley's body relax, her shoulders slacking pleasantly at her sides, and drew them both into an addictive silence – maybe it was because she knew it was his proud way of apologizing for what he did, but she couldn't be sure. It felt like hours passed while she was only able to listen to the occasional grumbles from Koba, a notable silence picking right back up afterwards every time and allowing Haley to assume they were involuntarily directed to the apes outside. What Koba didn't know, Haley noted, was the fact that it was something other than what he did to her that hang heavy on and was eating away at her conscience the longer she remained hushed, forcing her tears to multiply with every passing minute – and what else could be ailing her than guilt? It grew to the point where she felt as if she couldn't move, only her face able to get buried stiffly into her knees as she tried to calm herself down. Eventually, those painful two words slipped pass her lips, "I'm sorry."

Before, when she sat there alone, she realized how she was in the wrong as well – Koba did her a wrong, she knew, but she played a large part as well. Instantly, she felt Koba's shocked face drilling into her back as he stared at her in disbelief – turns out, even his scarred and horrifying face could look startled, not startling. "I'm sorry." She repeated more breathy, hesitantly peeking over her shoulder to show Koba the sincerity in her swollen eyes, "For attacking you, I mean." Still, he only stared, making her sigh in defeat as she looked back in front of her. "You weren't the only one at fault." She explained grudgingly, "I didn't fight you when you touched me at the river," her fists clenched as she paused, "Trust me, if I had fought you, none of this would've happened – I think we both know that much. Not to mention, if I acted up and allowed you to realize what you were doing, you would have left, wouldn't you have?"

Only a faint and muffled grunt confirmed her suspicions, but it, oddly enough, didn't feel like the whole truth to Koba. He had the suspicion that they would have still ended up like that in the end, because the pleasure he felt was not just physical, it was... emotional? That was why she confused him so much.

"Thought so –" She exhaled with a small tremble, the truth shaking her to her core and making her nauseous; if she were honest, she didn't want to realize she had let him have his way, but she knew it was something she had to accept at some point and realization was the key.

Yet again, they fell into a noiseless discussion, this time eerie and uncomfortable.

Neither of them wanted to sign or say a word, so they swallowed everything that threatened to fall from their lips. Only when the pressure became too much did she finally hear Koba push himself back to his feet and prepare to leave, and although it felt to her as if thag was the perfect note on which to put an end to their broken conversation, a question suddenly blurted pass her control.

"Caesar and Maurice said I smelled like you," It slipped and compelled Koba to halt before she broke from her cocoon of limbs and turned her body relatively his way, still resting on her side as she kept her gaze locked with the nest beneath her, "what does that mean for me?" Again, Koba seemed to be at a loss for words and merely diverted his guilt-struck face from her sight, but this time, she wouldn't allow him to – she couldn't; she needed to hear him say it. "Tell me!" She ordered angrily, "I need to know if I am right!"

He knew she was entitled to the truth, but still he tortured her with a pause before he mumbled a gruff, "Koba's mate – wife."

Like she said, she already knew what it meant, but still she felt her mouth dry when those simple words were said aloud, her fingers digging painfully into her nest, her nails threatening to rip from her fingertips as they dug through the leaves and into the stones beneath the mud. Nevertheless, she shut her eyes and took a slow, deep breath, forcing her body to relax yet again. "So... that is what I will be." She shoved from her mouth as if it was poison, and again, Koba looked nothing but startled as she peeked at him through her bangs. "I just..." She continued solemnly, her face falling into grief and pity, "...I wish you hadn't lied to me."

Hesitantly, the ape inched forward a few times before he finally lowered himself in front of her, keeping a careful distance between them as he moved to his knees. "Please," She spoke again, her face darkening to a demanding glare, "Don't ever lie to me again," she stopped, waiting for a response, but when nothing came, her volume rose, "Promise me!"

Seeming conflicted about it, he nodded uneasily, but the action was enough for Haley to sigh immediately, even if only to tense and flinch back when she saw him reach for her, causing him to cease, an action which quickly came to Haley's attention and made her nibble on the inside of her lip while she stared at his leathery hand and mulled over her choices. Steadily, she turned herself completely towards Koba in her nest and only glanced between him and his limb before she nudged herself forward and unsurely placed her cheek into his rough palm, shutting her eyes and inwittingly acting like a violent dog that js being befriended by a stranger. In that single hand, she could feel Koba relax a bit more before his hand unexpectedly slipped to the back of her neck and his forehead pressed against hers, her own hand inevitably sliding pass his sliced ear and hooking behind his neck as well. "One more thing," She whispered, him not jerking away or even opening his eyes at the sound, "best no to tell anyone how this happened – I am sure we can make an excuse up for what happened earlier as well. I'll ask Maurice the same."

Obviously, Koba nodded in agreement again, knowing that Caesar would most likely have his head if he knew what he did to his childhood friend – and he knew Haley's own reasons, that she didn't want the ape she loved to know about what she had done, but his subconscious quickly locked that away.

Discretely, Haley's eyes pulled open and studied the ape in front of her with a despairing gaze, Koba's eyes staying shut while he remained oblivious to her stare. "There," she told herself, almost feeling her heart tear as she reasoned with her mind, "grow to love this ape – you do love this ape – you will now love this ape. Right here, like this, is where you'll stay, and where you'll be happy – you'll grow to be happy."