The Rebel In Me

Chapter 5~Break Down The Walls~

I was about ready to panic, but I recognized the figure.  It was Nates brother,  I couldn't quite remember his name, but I knew he was apart of the "cool kids" even if his brother was gay. He walked over to our car and Nate rolled the window down, he glanced at him and sighed.

"Yes runt?" Nate sneered.

"Don't start throwing insults. I'm trying to help stupid." His brother said leaning into the car.

"How Phil? How?" Phil thats his name.

"They think I'm putting the fear of god into you. Look...everyone sees you two together and they are getting suspicious.  Especially since you are gay Nate." I felt everything freeze and the color drain from my face. My parents couldn't know, this had to be a secret.

"Okay..we won't go near each other in school. We will be more careful, thanks." Nate sighed and Phil backed up and walked off. Phil clumsily climbed onto the bed of the truck which held a group of sluts that were instantly on him. He slammed his fist onto the roof of the truck and it drove off.

Nate looked at me, then his eyes focused foward. I looked down and became quiet as he began to drive again towards town, the air around us thick and full of tension.

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The drive was silent, I was itching to say something but knew best not to. He dropped me off 4 blocks away and unlocked the trunk for me to get my bag. The moment I had my bag and was on the curb he sped off without a goodbye. I sighed and walked home, my head down and hands deep in my pockets.

I walked up the walk way, my head full of static and pain. I went up the porch steps and rang the bell, our new maid opened it and greeted me promptly. I waved her off and went up to my room but was stopped on the stairs by Mabel.

"Oh child you look sick, good thing the weekends tomorrow. Would you want me to fix you up my special soup?" Mabel asked.

"No thanks.."I answered.

"You never say no to soup.." Her eyebrows furrowed and she reached up, gripping onto me as she placed a hand on my forehead.

"You ain't running a fever..why don't you wash up. Maybe then.." she said as she raced down the stairs and I sighed.

I went to my room and threw my bag into a corner,  I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my phone. I unlocked it hoping to have a new message, but sadly nothing. I threw it onto my bed and changed into a t shirt and sweats, I washed up and laid on my bed. Could this be the end of us? Why was he acting this way? Why do I even care? Its not like we will ever get married, it would be nice though. I should text him, but what if he's mad?

I didn't text him, I just layed there thinking. Thinking of all the possibilities of how he would end this, how he would break the bond between us. Maybe him driving away without saying goodbye was the break up moment. Maybe he would call...I sighed as I felt something vibrate under my arm. I reached for my phone and unlocked it, dreading what it was. It was a text from the local service provider,  I threw my phone at the wall and went under my blankets.  Hot tears began to roll down my cheeks, I cried silently for what seemed like forever.

"Sweetie?" Mabel called from outside my door as she began to knock.

"Yeah?" I shouted my voice cracking a bit.

"Foods ready..and your dad requests to dine with you." She said.

"I'll be down in a second." I said and quickly fixed myself as I heard her footsteps recede from the door. I walked out of my room and down to the dining room, my dad sat at the biggest chair and my mom was no where to be found.

"Son. Sit. "My father gestured at the seat nearest him.

"Whatever."I muttered sitting near him.

"It has come to my attention you've made a friend in school. A male friend, care to explain?" My father asked as Mabel and some maids brought out the food.

"He needs help with math is all."I lied.

"Alright. ." My father said as he began to eat. I didn't feel hungry so I picked at my food.

"Why are you wasting food?" my father asked.

"Not hungry."

"You should be appreciative and eat."

"No."

"You dare defy me?" My fathers voice rose.

"Yes."

"You little. ." My father picked up his knife and swung it at me, it cut my cheek a bit. I was about to scream out but the surge of crimson gave me a sort of high. A sort of release and it felt good, sure it stung but it felt nice. Like all my cares were being dripped out with the surge of crimson.

I got up quietly and walked to the stairs as my father shouted. I walked up the stairs to my room, I locked the door and went into my private bathroom. I stared at myself, at the blood that left a drying trail down the side of my face. I slowly wiped it away, and once it was gone I closed the toilet seat. I dropped my pants and sat on the lid. I then leaned over onto the counter and grabbed one of my razors that I used to shave and ran it across my arm and thigh lightly. It felt good, and I slowly applied pressure and cut across my left arm and thigh. The crimson regret surging, leaving me a feeling of relief. Yet as the surge began to dry and stop it stung and hurt bringing back all feelings. So I did it again and again, leaving cuts all along my left arm and thigh. I also lifted my shirt and started on my left side, it felt so good. Yet so wrong at the same time, what was I doing? I don't know, but it felt good, and as I showered to wash away the blood. I planned how I was going to do it tomorrow and the next day but with something sharper, something stolen from the kitchen..