The Rebel In Me

~Chapter 8~×Nightmare× Edited<3

I tried to scoot out from under him but he grabbed my knees and held me in place. I wiggled and squirmed and tried to get free from his grasp, but I knew the damage had been done.

"What..."He didn't finish.

"Let me go..."I demanded as I began to pull my shirt down.

I saw the blood drain from his face as he let me go and sit back. He looked as if he had stared death in the eye, yet he didn't move from his position. I sat up and pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself. Great...I screwed up. Like always.

"How long."He muttered, his mouth in a tight line and his eyes seemed hard and distant. He seemed to be thinking, or somewhere not here.

"L..Last night or so."I sighed and reached a hand to him but pulled it back when he didn't move. "I'm sorry...F..Family and st..stress."

"So you did this."He said quickly.

"Yes who else-" He cut me off.

"Did you think of us?" He asked in a monotone voice.

"Nate.."I whispered.

"Did you?!"He sneered and his stern, calm composer changed quickly into anger. I backed up, I never saw this side of him so I didn't know what to expect.

"It was spur of the moment!"I shouted, wrong idea...but I just felt a fire inside and had to.

"Just like this stupid relationship! You selfish asshole!" He screamed and my face fell and apart. Stupid relationship? This is what broke me, what threw me into a rage.

"Stupid? So you don't love me?! Am I some toy Nate!"I unwound my arms from around my knees and stood."I hate you! You arrogant, rushy asshole! Were through! "I screamed,  fighting back tears.

"Jaime..."I ignored him and I began to walk down the dirt road to get to the highway, kicking lose stones and stepping on leaves on the road. With each crunch from a dry leaf, I could feel myself breaking but I kept myself composed. My hands held in a tight fist.

"You're going to get lost!"He shouted and I stopped, back to him.

"Why do you even care, huh? If I'm such a selfish asshole why do you care? Just give me my bag on Monday and never talk to me again!" shouted back, tears welling up in my eyes.

"Jaime..."He shouted, his voice cracking but I didn't let it break me even if it killed me inside.

"What? Come back into your arms and sleep with you? Be used and falsely loved? No thanks."I shouted and shook my head, I then continued down the dirt path.

....♤....♡....♢....♧....♤....♡....♢....♧

I had walked down the lengthy path and onto the side of the road. I've been walking this lonely road for a good few hours, I was cold and my feet were screaming in pain. I didn't mind, I liked the pain and it was nothing compared to what I felt inside. My insides had been ripped and torn apart, all because of him.

Him...the reason I'm in pain. The reason I've screwed everything, I was so stupid. But how could I ever go back? I mean...I don't see women the same. I'm still gay, not like I could just grow out of it. I could feel hot tears going down my cold cheeks, rolling slowly down. Cars passed from time to time, headlights either blinding me or flooding the path before me. Some slow down, but I never accept or ask for a ride. I just kept walking, and as I crossed my arms to keep whatever shred of warmth I had, headlights flooded my path with my long shadow becoming shorter and shorter as it got closer. A engine roared, and I knew who it was. I began to walk faster and it followed. It honked a good 3 times but I ignored it till it turned and followed me from the side. A darkened window rolled down and there he was, the devil in his cute...little disguise.

"Jaime, you're going to get lost or worse, let me take you home." He said in a gruff voice.

"Get away from me."I snarled.

"Jaime." Nate said in a stern tone and I stopped dead and so did he.

"What!? Is that voice supposed to scare me? You stupid piece of shit! I hate you! Get it through your damn skull! You stupid queer!"I screamed, all my fustrations coming out with it but regretted it when I saw his face.

"Fine." He said and his face shifted from sadness to anger. "I'll leave, let you freeze. Since you enjoy pain and death, why don't you just kill yourself?!"He screamed and my face fell. My strong comosure faded and I felt my cheeks heat up as tears began to fall again.

"That will be first on my list...Thanks."I whispered and decided to keep walking. I didn't feel like I was inside myself as I let these words sink in.

"Jaime.."He followed and I didn't stop nor did I respond.

"Jaime!"He screamed in urgency, yet I couldn't move my mouth. I had on control, I was just in a weird form of shock.

"Thats it." He shouted and I really don't know what happened next, I just felt him near as he got me in the car. Then I felt the car lurch as he drove but I didn't move or utter a word. I just sat there, hunched over. Yet I began to scratch furiously at my wrists, I don't know why...it just felt nice.

"Stop it."He said in a stern voice, but I didn't.

"Jaime!"He screamed and I just dug into my skin more. I then felt the car stop and his hands on mine.

"Please. " He whispered in a pained voice. "Jaime, we may be over but I honestly and truly love you. ..I've said things I shouldn't have but please... don't take me back but stop please."

"I won't. ..I don't think I ever can. Nor will I stop..."I said, my voice cracking.

"Jaime...Why?"He said and looked at me.

"Why would you care...You rush into everything, you never even bothered to understand me."I pulled my hands away from him.

"Make me understand...a...as a..a friend. Please." He said in a pained voice.

"Will you even care? Since I'm so selfish..."I whispered.

"Jaime I never. .I.."He got so fustrated and he slammed his fist hard into the steering wheel and I jumped a bit.

"Ow."I said quietly.

"Whatever, I deserve it."He grunted and gripped the wheel.

"Now you know why I hurt myself."I said matter of factly.

"You deserve it?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"I anger my dad, I hurt my mom. I'm not perfect, I'm gay. I'm the black sheep."

"Jaime...If I.."

"Save it. You never wanted to know, you wanted a quick thing to use."

"But I've never been with a guy..."

"Lies. You have, I'm just a toy. A stupid toy." I began to scratch into my arms again.

"Thats not true.You were my one, Jaime. But fine"

"Fine."

And from there we got quiet, my story book fairytale falling apart all around me.