The Rebel In Me

~Chapter 9~Badly Broken~

We drove in silence, I knew when I got back I'd be in deep shit but I honestly don't care. I have enough on my plate and right now...I can't function let alone think. I know I'm putting a strong front but inside I'm cracking for a boy I met a week or so ago. I rushed...and I fell and from the height I fell I'm shattered. Shattered but I could always pick up the pieces,  but what good does that have? Whats so good about picking up the pieces after being swept off my feet by someone I knew I love. Loved. I wouldn't run back to him...I had to be strong. I don't need him, I don't need this. I just need the blade that lulls me into a restful slumber of letting go and remorse.

"Are we ever going to talk about this...Or will we just delete each others numbers."He asked.

"Why?"I asked fuming.

"I...I need-"I cut him off.

"Need? Maybe you should've thought of that before you flew off the goddamn handle! I'm sorry I'm broken and have my faults and I hope it haunts you that you will be a reason I have these."I sneered and crossed my arms.

"Don't you fucking dare start with me! I have my reasons for flying off the goddamn handle, and its a just reason you little..."He growled and I watched as his hands tighten on the wheel.

"I don't love you."I whispered and the car suddenly learched to a sudden hault. I leaned foward and my hands flew foward to catch myself. My wrists stung from the impact.

"You don't understand do you. ."He whispered.

"Am I supposed to? You rich snotty asshole."I said matter of factly.

Yet as I turned my head slightly to look at him, I saw something different. His face shifted and he turned in his seat to face me. I was lightly rubbing my throbing wrists when he held out his arms. I was confused and leaned back away but I noticed something on his bare arms. Light white scars with some still somewhat fresh looking ones, criss-crossing across his slightly tanned skin. They trailed up his arms but I couldn't see anymore once they snuck under his short sleeves to hide from the light.

"It started when I first realized I was gay. Then it got worse when I came out and when I met you..I stopped. I hid them from you, I never wanted to expose you to it."He pulled his arms back as I stared.

"O..Oh."I mumbled.

"I shouldn't have said what I did...but when I saw it I saw myself and I couldn't hold back."He whispered.

"I..I.."I looked down tearing up.

"Hey...I'm not saying open your arms and lets make out..I'm saying can we work on us..."

"I...N..."I stammered and I sighed."We can try, but no guarantees."

"Thank you..." He sighed.

"Don't try to fix me...I like what I've started."I said.

"Jaime."

"Nate."I felt his blue eyes burn into mine.

"I will. ." He said.

"You're fighting a losing battle...I want to die. I don't want to suffer."I mumbled.

"Suffer? You're Mr.perfect, your family has enough money to last forever. And you suffer? "He said in awe.

"Its a masquerade. Trust me.My fathers a selfish biggot who tries to kill me daily, and hes abusive. He doesn't spend a dime unless it makes him look good." I looked at him.

"O...Oh."He looked away.

"What? Am I not perfect enough for you? Do you want to not work on what we had? "I crossed my arms and looked out the window.

"You're cute when you're mad."I could almost hear the smile in his tone.

"Shut up." I fought back a small smile.

"Just stating a fact...But Jaime I'll be here, every step of the way. Just don't cut anymore. ..please. I'll be supportive,  I'll listen, just stop."

"I'll try."

"Thank you."

"Alright. "

We got silent and I fell asleep as the road stretched before us seeming to never end.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I had fallen asleep and as I started to awaken I realized we were no where near home. Nate was also gone and he had drapped his sweater over me. I took a deep breath,  inhaling his scent off the sweater. Musk and cinnamon danced into my nose, filling me with warmth and happiness. I could enjoy this, he wasn't here and he doesn't have to know I'm doing this.  When he gets back I could go back to being mad.

"I see you."I heard faintly as I cuddled the sweater. Like a deer in the headlights I dropped it and my eyes widened. I looked around and heard a light tap on the windsheild.

"Come out...I'm tired.."He said faintly and I decided what the hell. I came out and he laid across the hood, his shirt hugging his somewhat toned body.

"I see you liked my sweater."He turned his head slightly.

"Oh hush I'm mad at you."I said blushing, I looked around.  He had pulled over at a scenic spot, I could guess by the signs and fancy over view of the town.

"Come."He patted a space next to him.

"What if it rains?"I asked.

"Well we're screwed."He answered.

"You're moods never cease to amaze me."I clumsily climbed onto the hood next to him, he put his arm out and let me use it as a pillow as I curled up next to him.

"Mm still mad?"He asked.

"You're a dick."I answered.

"Mm...I'll take that as a no."He chuckled and kissed the top of my head.

"You seem sleep deprived. "I looked up at him.

"I swear I will throw you off this over view. "He said and I laughed.

"You'd miss me."

"Shut up."

"Slut."

"Bitch."

"I hate you."

"I hate you too."

"Do you still want me to kill myself?"

"Never..I didn't mean it. "

"Promise?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"Sleep."

"No."I laughed and I could almost hear the anguish in his sigh.

"My foot and your ass have a meeting."He said.

"Mm so kinky."I whispered.

"Mmhm." With that I heard his faint, cute snoring which I curled up to and buried my face into his side. Holding onto him, even though I did "hate him".