Wait... What?

Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Trapped

As I close the car door it makes a satisfying slamming noise, that's probably my favorite noise in the world ironically. The sound if a car door shutting... You'd think given all I've been through it would be an awful noise, tragic even. But I love it, I love traveling, cars... Mostly because you can have your headphones in for hours and not be considered antisocial, although I am.

Mom gets in to the car and I feel my stomach tighten, I don't know how to act in these situations. I hate not being in control, know exactly what's going on at all times, I guess you could say I'm a control freak. Must get it from mom, I've always been told I get my worst habits and attributes from my mother. I hate being compared to that woman.

"Are you excited?" mom says smiling widely at me.

"Sure..."

"Oh... Well we can get all your school stuff on this trip as well!"

"Oh... Ok."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know."

"You're not giving me anything here!"

"Yeah I know I guess I tend to clam up when I'm sitting next to my mother whom I don't even know." I say through gritted teeth.

Mom looks at me shock and hurt glistening in her eyes, I instantly feel a pang of guilt in my chest. I push the guilt aside and stare back at her aggressively, my jaw locked and anger flashes across my face. We haven't even pulled out of the driveway and conflict has already risen. I move quickly to open the door, to escape from this awkward situation.

Quick as a flash mom locks the doors, I slam my fist down on the door and glare across the partition at her.

"What was that for!?" I scream

"I understand you're angry with me but that's the reason why I made this trip!"

"Well then maybe you should explain why you left me for a guy you met on the internet!" I scream and notice for the first time that hot tears are running down my face, I wipe my eyes fiercely and continue to glare.

"Oh Cortney... Sweety I love you very much..."

"Then why did you leave?!?!"

"I lost my job, I was going to lose the apartment! We were eating frozen pizza and ramen for a reason Cortney. I had been getting money from your father just to pay rent. Chris loves me... He offered to support me and I would have been a fool to refuse!" her eyes are pleading with me to forgive her, I remain silent.

"I have you the choice to live with me and you chose your dad!"

This is it. This is where I snap, nine years of neglect and anger boil to the surface and I lash out at the woman who has caused me so much pain and suffering.

"YEAH YOU GAVE ME A 'CHOICE' ALRIGHT!" I scream my voice carries and fills up the car and all I see is red.

"You asked a seven year old girl to leave her daddy and family, friends, her entire life! Her home! To come live with you and a man she didn't know!" I continue to scream and I feel the overwhelming urge to reach across the partition and slap her. The only thing that stops me is the fact that we will crash.

After over six years of keeping all of it down, hidden, smiling as if nothing is wrong. I have let all my emotions out, all the hate, resentment and hurt have finally been forced out of my mouth. And all my mother can do is stare straight ahead, shock clear on her face as the heat and anger course through my body.