Put You First (Camcy)

"I'll never be Lauren."

Camila was never insecure before.

More specifically, she wasn't romantically insecure. She still felt insecure about herself...but before, with Lauren, she'd never felt like their relationship could be tarnished by someone else's influence.

Jealousy came in small and insignificant bouts with Lauren. She had known the green-eyed girl loved her, cared for her, from the very start. Lauren had always had her heart on her sleeve with Camila, she always kept the brown-eyed girl in the loop about her feelings.

Camila was never scared Lauren would cheat.

That was a stark difference in her relationship with Lucy.

Camila knew Lucy as a friend before she saw the girl as her partner. Camila had seen Lucy flirt, she'd seen the girl get what she wants, she knows Lucy. And with Lucy...well she didn't feel that sense of security.

Even as Lucy chatted away to her, holding her hand as they walked down the Red Light District in Amsterdam. Even as Lucy's smile spoke a thousand words to her every time she looked to Camila. Even as Lucy reserved the small glint in her eye just for Camila.

Camila didn't feel like her heart was safe. She had never had it feel more unsafe than when she allowed Lucy to have it.

And she knew this was a problem, she wasn't blind to that. She knew a relationship had to be based on mutual trust and respect. She knew that because she had that with Lauren. Lauren had taught her that.

This wasn't Camila.

Camila wasn't someone who shot glares at every person who so much as glanced at her partner. Camila wasn't one to feel agitation towards any undeserving soul.

"Unless you're thinking about hot sex with me, you really shouldn't be concentrating this hard, sweetheart," Lucy nudged her lightly, a playful smirk adorning her lips and kind of settling Camila's thoughts. Because hey, there was Lucy giving her attention. "We're in Amsterdam! Stress isn't allowed here."

"What is allowed?" Camila inquired, eyebrow raised in question.

"Weed, sex, alcohol," Lucy leaned down to whisper in her girl's ear. "We should do all three tonight."

And before three days ago, Camila would have had this giddy leap go through her heart. Those words would have excited her to a certain degree.

But now Camila was left wondering if all Lucy wanted was sex. What if that was all this was for her? Camila didn't just want sex, she wanted more, she wanted a little of everything with Lucy. But the older girl always talked about sex and it made Camila feel like some kind of object Lucy could just use as she pleased.

They had slept together a ridiculous amount of time in the short time that they made things somewhat official.

Maybe that's all this was for Lucy...a release.

"Something's up." The older girl observed, frowning down at her companion.

"No, nothing's up, I'm fine," Camila shrugged, allowing Lucy to lead them into an entirely too smokey restaurant.

"Good," Lucy didn't quite believe Camila, but she didn't want to press the girl. Camila had been acting differently but Lucy wrote it off to her trying to settle into a more than friends relationship with Lucy. "Because a worried mind and a pot brownie do not go well together."

"Pot brownie?"

"You said you wanted drugs and alcohol, Camila Cabello. I am more than determined to give you everything you want."