Put You First (Camcy)

"She deserves her happiness. And I hope she's yours."

"-And she was like this new air, you know? It was like...like maybe I finally deserved to be happy...I don't know. Maybe I don't. Maybe this was all some sick cosmic joke to prove that Lucy Lives was never supposed to be happy. Maybe I'm too fucked up." Her hollow brown eyes watched as people passed by in colourless blurs. "My dad's a drug addict, you know?" She squeezed her fists so tight she feared she'd draw blood with her nails. "And my mom, a nurse. Which is a pretty fucked up pairing. But she's in love with him and he would beat the shit out of her if she even thought about leaving him." She licked her lips before grinding her teeth together, wounds of her past slowly ripping open. Her heart was bleeding and this time...Ally wasn't there to help her.

No one was there to help her.

"My dead beat father didn't even bat an eyelash when I told him I'm leaving." She felt as every stitch she'd used to close up that cut in her heart was snapped open, she felt the remnants of her heart seep through those gaps. "He didn't even want me."

But she didn't cry. She felt the pain. Welcomed it almost.

Pain demanded to be felt after all.

"No one wants me." Lucy nodded, more so to herself than to the elderly deaf woman beside her.

Lucy was almost certain the woman didn't speak a lick of English, nor could she hear a word Lucy spoke. But she was there. And so was Lucy.

And words needed to be spoken, even if they fell on unhearing ears.

Airports, Lucy decided, had lost their vanity the second they became a symbol for leaving Camila behind.

The celebrity wasn't doing any better.

After Lucy had packed her bags, after they'd both accepted that what they felt...what they had would never work, neither saw the point in pretending any longer.

Lucy was right...she'd never be Lauren.

And Camila didn't want Lauren, but Lauren was good...and Lucy had too many questions behind her name. Questions Camila was scared to discover the answers to.

So she called Roger again, he made arrangements to get her back on track with promotion work, her concerts and upcoming films he'd managed to get her auditions for. And Camila was back to square one...except this time, her heart wasn't as in tact as she pretended it was back then.

This time her heartbreak could be seen visibly on her face. It was shining in everything she did.

Roger watched her as she sang, her voice still pure and reaching...but it was hollow, or more, laced with a sadness that hadn't been there before.

And that's what led him to call Dinah. Because in all their years apart, Dinah still managed to be the only one to bring Camila back from the edge.

The call came late at night, Camila had just finished putting her pyjamas on when Dinah's caller I.D. lit up her phone screen and without hesitation, the Cuban answered. Never had she needed to hear the voice of her best friend more than she did in that very moment.

"You don't call, you don't write, how the fuck am I supposed to know you're even still alive, Walz?" Dinah said in greeting, the very sound of her voice filling a hole in Camila's heart she didn't even know was empty.

"I miss you." Camila finally let her first tears fall for that entire day, which says a lot considering she'd pretty much been a crying mess every spare moment she got.

Lucy had only been gone two days, but her departure didn't come without heartbreak. Because Camila did care about Lucy, she cared about her a lot...but her fear was that if she allowed herself to fall, Lucy wouldn't be there to catch her.