Life Ends, Love Stays (A Moey Fanfic)

Chapter 20 - You're Awake!

Joey's POV

Beep...Beep...Beep

I sit listening to the soft sounds ringing out of Meghan's heart rate machine. I stare down at my hands, wondering how many more beeps I can listen to before I lose my sanity.

1, 2, 3, 4...

I start counting the quiet sounds, to keep from crying. My fingers shook as I wiped the palms of my hands onto my pants to remove some of the moistness. I started thinking that this could be the end. All the wishes on her bucket list scratched out and placed into the bottom cupboard. All the pictures shoved into the same cupboard, hoping to remove the memories. Her clothes sold and her items pushed into a closet.

But will I ever be able to forget everything? Her scent will stay forever in our house. It will fill my nose while I'm sleeping, giving me the illusion that she's there. But when I open my eyes, nothing will be there, except for the painful memories. Her blue eyes will be unforgettable, I'll see them in every lake, every blue creature on the planet, and in every blue shimmering light of the city of Los Angeles. When I blink, her face will flash before my eyes just as they are doing now.

I took a deep, shaky breath,

23, 24, 25, 26...

My counting suddenly stopped. I noticed something different, it had sped up. The beeps now got louder and faster, indicating that she had woken up. My eyes darted to where she lay, I watched as her eyelashes now quickly fluttered. I suddenly started getting nervous. A pit grew in the top of my stomach, making my breathing uneven. I pressed my hand into my gut, making sure there wasn't a black hole burning through my stomach. My heart beat sped up as I failed to keep it steady.

A lump grew in my throat, making my breathing even more difficult. I now felt as if I was swallowing a rock that then rested in my gut. And the cycle went over and over. I swallowed and took a raspy breath through my mouth, relieving the anxiety for only a split second. Before long, the lump bobbed in my throat and the hole seared through my stomach. I could hear my heart beat in my ears.

I tried to collect my thoughts. Why was I getting so nervous? Maybe because at any moment she could die in front of me, I answered my own question. Maybe because she could slip through my fingers before I had enough time to hold her tight. Maybe because I'm scared, scared for the last months, even days of her life. That they won't live up to her expectations, that she'll die unhappy. With incomplete goals stuck in her mind, wishes that will never granted. And it will be my fault, even if it wasn't, I'll still blame it on myself.

I wiped my hands on my pants once again while standing up. The slightest movement attracted the attention of Meghan and her head turned quickly to my direction. Her eyes met mine and a smile grew on her face. I forgot about my poorly functioning legs as I felt them collapse under me. I managed to catch myself as I made my way towards her hospital bed. I kept mind off my shaking legs, at this point I only had one thing that filled my mind, Meghan.

"I was so worried," I said. My voice higher than I was expecting, the nervousness clearly showed. I placed my hot, shaky hand against her cold cheek. A slight pink giving it some colour. A nurse had come in earlier and cleaned the blood off her chin and lips. They made sure her gown was clean with no sign of blood.

I kissed her cracked lips before she could give me an answer. Her own hands came up and touched the sides of my face. Brushing along my unshaven face. Her dry tongue grazed over mine and I pulled away. My eyes searched for a glass of water, my hand still resting gently on her cheek. I found it and she sat up slowly. I brought the cool liquid to her lips as she brought her hands up to support it.

"How are you feeling," I asked after she took a couple sips.

"Better." her voice echoed in my ears. I couldn't help but close my eyes, wishing I could hear that voice for the rest of my life. Wishing that voice would whisper in my ear when I am at my worst. Wishing it would comfort me. But right now, I was the one needing to comfort Meghan.

The soft heels of a nurse clicked as she walked into the room. I turned around to see the surprised look on her face as she took an extra step, looking down at her clipboard for a moment.

"Meghan?!" she exclaimed, reading Meghan's name off the clipboard, "you're awake!"

"Yeah, it's great!" Meghan answered sleepily. I watched as the nurse jotted something down in her quick, messy handwriting. She walked over to Meghan and checked all the machines, jotting more things down.

"You're going to get an ultrasound in about half an hour, okay?" she said cheerfully, before turning on her heels and clicking out of the room. I looked back at Meghan, she stretched with her eyes pressed shut.

"I'm hungry," she groaned. With her mention of food, my stomach twisted in reply. I now noticed I was hungry as well. I placed my hand over the rumbling part of my stomach, slightly feeling my ribs in the process. I don't remember the last time I have eaten, and I don't think it was recently.

"I'll be back with food in a minute!" I replied, kissing her on the forehead. Her skin had regained its natural warmth, and I breathed in relief. I made my way to the cafeteria, my legs held me up this time. I felt more relaxed, knowing that my Meghan was awake, for now.

A/N Sorry for not updating in 44000000000000000000000 days... Might have another update tonight since this is a boring chapter.

EDIT: extremely sorry for all the typos and errors. I wrote this at 2am on my phone! :P