Life Ends, Love Stays (A Moey Fanfic)

Chapter 17 - When You're Gone

Joey's POV

I grabbed my keys from the counter by the door and opened the door with my other hand. I saw Meghan's favourite view in front of me, lights shined in my face from the reflections of the sun. I shielded my eyes and walked over to Satsuki parked on the unpaved driveway. I quickly started the car and drove out of the difficult path. I was finally on the road, heading to the nearest grocery store.

My ears were still filled with the sound of Meghan's sobs; I couldn't push them out of my head. I punched the on button to my car’s radio and flipped through a couple of the stations. I hit one last button with my weak fingers, a sad tune started playing, one that I was sure I had heard before. Different notes on a piano joined together to make many pleasant sounds. I heard a voice I know quite well, Avril Lavigne’s

I always needed time on my own, I never thought I’d need you there when I cry

I smiled at the sad song.  It was true in the situation I was in. It made me think of Meghan. I ignored most of the song, focusing on getting to the store quickly, until the chorus came around:

When you’re gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone, the face I came to know is missing too.

A tear trickled down my cheek unexpectedly.  I whipped it away with the back of my hand and tried to focus on the scenery in front of me. I swallowed the lump in my throat, in attempt to stop the tears. I tried not to listen to the lyrics of the song, I tried to let the quiet melody calm be but my ears had a different plan, the song continued:

When you’re gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you…

The tears now poured down my face, the lump in my throat failed to disappear and hot streams were now flowing down my cheeks. While my eyes cried, the rest of my body didn’t move. I felt dead inside. I didn’t sob or wipe my tears, I let them fall, as the song continued.

Unfortunately, my tears made everything in front of melt into one painting of colours. I blinked them away but I still couldn’t see. I pulled the car to a small parking lot to a place I didn’t know. There was nobody here.

She’s not even gone but I already miss her, I said to myself. Who knew it was possible to feel this empty when the girl I want, need, and love is still here? Who knew it was possible to cringe at someone who is so beautiful? Who knew it was possible for someone to struggle so much but still wear the same, stunning smile on their face? Who knew it was possible that someone alive could be so dead inside? I know. I experience it every single day. 

 The second chorus came around and my mouth moved in accordance to the sweet words being sang. I couldn’t push a sound out of my mouth, not even a sob. I threw my head back and tried to laugh, tried to take my mind off what was going on in my world. But I couldn’t, every time I blinked, I saw Meghan. And I’ll see her, every single day, even after she’s gone.

Her face will never leave my mind, it will be a vivid image for as long as I live. Her delicate voice will ring softly in my ears when I see a picture of her. Her laugh will echo every time some else laughs. Her eyes will stare into mine when I can’t sleep at night. Her hair will blow in the wind beside me as I look at her lights on our driveway. Her scent will fill every room in our house. Her nervous chuckle, her fearful breaths, her happy skip, will be forever remembered. She will be present to me, even when she will not be there.

I tried my best to pull myself together. It’s okay, Joey, just cry, my mind told me. My head was now resting against my steering wheel. I didn’t have enough strength to dry my tears and keep driving. I want to scream, I want to scream at everything. There could be a reason, but it is unclear at the moment. I just want this to stop, I want Meghan to get better, I want her to live, so I can propose to her, marry her, and possibly start a family. It’s all I ask for, it does seem like much but other people get it, why not I?