Perspective

Discomfort

~Fresh

Back in a cage again, I guess it could've been worse. There was Ink, Error, and I guess Geno survived, barely. They had a little conversation with Geno, and they split up, Error went to check in another room, and I was left with Ink most likely guarding me. There wasn't really much I could do in here anyway. I tried sparking up a conversation, Ink did nothing but grip his scarf tighter every time I tried to talk to him.

Then it was Error's turn, they switched on and off, it was a bit boring, I couldn't talk to either of them. I had nothing to really do, I couldn't plan my escape, because escaping from this cage was pretty much impossible, and with people guarding me, yup that wasn't happening.

Then that other Sans came along, Dream I think he was. He started to guard my cage and that other room. What was in there? I was wondering to myself, trying to figure it out. The Dust Sans? Another Parasite? Each little theory I came up kept me busy, so I wasn't completely bored, I guess I wasn't getting out of this one.

Dream came to me and teleported into my cage. He began talking to me, and it was a bit weird. He seemed overall happy, considering that he probably knew what I had done. He then, out of nowhere, offered me a cloth. It had a little design of a sun on it, and it glowed, showing a smaller aura that emanated from him. I wasn't going to take it. After him trying to negotiate, he wrapped it around my wrist, and something shot into me. It started out small at first, he left and I was back to doing my own thing, which wasn't much. Then, something kicked in, it was a small warmth. It felt good, but a part of me told me that it was bad news.

It grew, drawing me closer and closer to giving into it. I didn't want to. It was so uncomfortable, even though it was so nice, I was afraid of it. I began to freak out.

I wasn't afraid of everything around me like the other time, instead, I was afraid of my own mind. The fear of giving in, this isn't meant to be something that just happens. I laid down trying not to give in, this won't last long, this won't last long I keep telling myself. The thing with this, basic fear, it's a fear of the unknown, something we don't understand. I can't understand death, and I can't understand what is happening right now.

No matter what I did, I kept freaking out even more. I was rocking back and forth, trying to hold in my fears. It was getting stronger, and it was taking a hold of me. I didn't want it to happen, tears welled in my eyes, what was going to happen if whatever this was consumed me, mentally I mean.

The other time I was this freaked out, was when I experienced all the fear from Nightmare's attack. This one didn't hurt at all, unlike the other one, but it was just as terrifying. This one felt nice, but it was so terrible, having something I have never ever experienced mentally in my life, something that questions my very basics morals for life, not getting attached, it's awful.

If Dream and everyone else finds whatever is happening here normal, I can only assume it's something that everyone except me experiences. Is this what feeling is? Giving in to a reaction in your mind to make sense and meaning of words that really mean nothing? Why?

I couldn't really control what I was doing anymore, I had retreated into my mind out of fear. I felt myself mouth words, the noise was coming out, I knew, but I couldn't hear it, I had lost touch with the outside world. Have I already given in? I was only focusing on myself, every noise or even movement in the real world was ignored.

I felt the outline of tears fall, I was still so scared, something that was meant to be so good, was so terrifying for me.

I finally found out what I was mouthing.
I''m sorry....
Just that, over and over again. These were just words to me, but my subconscious began forming a meaning to them, and even a meaning that was meant to be simple and easily understood by a normal person, made me even more lost and confused. I didn't know what was happening, I just wanted it to stop.

It's persistent, never ending, make it stop make it stop, someone please make it stop...

My mind keeps fading in and out from the real world and the world I've made, or rather what this emotion has made for me. That's the word, it's developed inside of me as if it's screaming it at me, emotion. Whatever it is, it's screaming at me to develop it, learn more about it, but what I know is actually me and not this emotion is yelling at me to not give in, survival above all else. Right? Right?!

It's getting harder and harder to distinguish what is helpful or hurtful. What is this emotion and what is my intellectual, logical mind? They've had a clash and everything seems scrambled inside of me. What's right and what's wrong? Is the only way to survive for longer is to develop more to fit better with everyone else? Is the one thing I first lacked what has been causing me from succeeding this whole time? All that I've ever thought is a lie...

Don't give in, don't give in. It's trying to trick you.

It's the only way! You want to live... don't you?

Things are becoming blurs, unlike before when that terrible fear was inside of me, the other emotion, supposedly the opposite, could clash, and keep me at the normal zero level of emotion I would feel. Now that this good emotion has no negative emotion to fight against, it's taking over the only part of my mind I have ever needed, the only part that I thought wasn't a lie.

This is good, it's going to help, no. You've lived your life just fine without it, you don't need it now, right? Yes! No. This is good. This is bad.
We're only doing this to help you.

I can't hear my own thoughts anymore, it's all just a jumbled mess of two things that are just both lies, or maybe truths yelling back and forth. Each of them stating that their side is "the right thing to do"

Any sensation at all has left me, besides the good emotion, all I can actually feel is the pain of thinking too much about it. The pain of combating myself. I can't see any glimpse of the real world, I can only hear the garbled noise of static. I've been sent into panic mode. I'm not sure if anyone can notice my panic on the outside, but on the inside, my mind has been sent into chaos.