About me, About my life and what lead me to try to end it.

Chapter 7- Third person #3

Now this chapter is gonna be kinda short, But it pissed me off so fucking much, They have no idea. This was the thing that pushed me over the fucking line with them.. 

So you know when you gain somebody trust? Like when you have trust issues so you trust somebody, You feel you can trust them with your life? Yeah, I found out that you shouldn't even do that. Nope. I told this person everything that happened in my life. Even the little tiny things. Not even knowing they were going behind my own back to my own mother? Stupid right? I mean like its my mother, She is gonna ask me about it. So, 

I would tell my friend about my mental illnesses. they would go off and ask my mum if i went to a doctor. Okay now.. I don't need to tell my mum now do i. I can go off to a doctor by myself without my parents knowing, But no. They didn't know that. So then i had to explain everything to my mum. Which put a lot of stress on her and this family. We already were having some personal problems. Then they go on at my mum about my illnesses and starts a wound in my mum. Then keeps asking and asking, Which is like rubbing salt into it. Honestly. Just shut the fuck up and when i tell you to keep it secret, Keep your fucking mouth shut. This is what caused my trust issues to start, Then in the end i didn't know if i could even trust my self in the end. YES, MYSELF.

Anyway, Lets get to the other stuff...Now. Every time i would tell them about my self-harming, Either it be; cutting, slapping or even trying to bruise myself they would say;

"Its okay Katana, I will not tell anybody, unless you tell me too"

Now, I can tell you this. I understand that they may of been concerned or something like that, But they have no right to go off and tell their friends, who were my friends, then told my mum. Then guidance found out. Cause i was a stupid idiot and felt i had to write an essay about it. Now, i was damn fucking stupid cause i thought since everybody knew then it was okay. It wasn't. I trusted them to not tell anybody, They helped a little bit, Told me to stop then they would go off and do stupid shit. It was like how fucking 2 faced can you be. Like okay if you had problems. But posting pictures on Instagram and shit of it. DON'T. I have proof too. Like bitch for fuck sake, If i tell you something i expect you to keep it between us. Unless i say, But if you ever let it slip out just tell me. 

But like does this person know how much pain and drama they have caused. Have they not realized how they have affected me now. They have gone around saying so much bullshit about me, that people use to believe i was the bitch here. But no. That soon changed once i shown everybody what you actually are. The tables turned huh. You thought i wouldn't do anything.. Just shows you have to be careful as what you say to people now. I don't care if you hate me. I don't care if you lost friends or whatever. Cause in the end it was you making up the lies not me.

I hope you are happy with yourself, That you were one of the MAIN reasons why i tried killing myself. You wanted me to. So i was trying to give what u wanted. Its not my fault i ACTUALLY have people who think i am worth stuff. Than telling somebody they should kill themselves cause i made your like "living hell" Yeah, Okay.