The Professor

Chapter Twenty-Six

We continue to lay in bed for somewhere close to thirty-minutes. Neither of us has said a warm and yet I don't find this to be alarming. I find it comforting. His silence says it all and the way his arm that's wrapped around me strokes my arm gently makes me melt into him him even more. I know the time for us to leave is coming soon and I don't want to say goodbye, I don't want to say that yet. I'm enjoying this moment and want to stay in it as long as I can.

"What are you thinking about?" His voice asks me through the silence. It's raspy and low, sounding like he's done a little sleeping. I take a deep breath and sigh into him, smiling. My eyes are closed and they stay closed as I answer his question. "I'm thinking about how I don't ever want to leave this bed."

Dean chuckles and squeezes my body gently. "Me too, baby."

Hearing him agree adds to the giddy feeling inside me. Knowing he feels the same as me feels like a dream at the moment. "Did I do everything right?" I ask. I feel his head extend to look down at me. I look up to him and see him furrowing his eyebrows. "Of course you did. Why do you ask?"

I move my head back to it's normal position and look down the end of the bed. "Because i've never done anything before." I say sheepishly, embarrassed of my own lack of experience. Dean lightly chuckles and strokes my arm again.

"Baby, that was the best time i've ever had."

His words are nice to hear but i'm hesitant to let them affect me. I can't tell if he's saying that out of honesty or just to make me feel good.

"You really mean that?" I ask.

Dean pushes me off of him gently and shifts to position himself over me. He's peering down at me with stern, soft eyes. This expression is different that any expression i've seen yet. It's a serious one, and my stomach turns as I wait for him to say what he's about to say.

"I've never felt anything similar to the way I feel about you. I don't know what it is about you that makes me so crazy but there's... just something about you and I barely even know you, yet I feel like i've known you for a long time."

I smile and blush, the heat rising in my cheeks. It's crazy to hear how he feels so strongly after only a little over a week of sneaking around. A part of me worries over this and wonders if it's not just infatuation with how fun this little game can be. 

I sit up in the bed and pull the sheets with me. Covering myself, I run my hands through my hair and look at him. "What's the matter?" He asks concerned.

"Nothing, I just..." I pause and try to figure out how to say what's on my mind. "I just wonder if these feelings are real or just from the situation we're in."

Dean looks taken aback. He cocks his head, narrowing his eyes, and says defensively, "So are you saying you're done with us?"

"But is there even an us, Dean?" This question makes him silent. "We have to sneak around. You're my professor and i'm your student. We don't have a real relationship because we can't have one. We can't go out on dates or to the movies or post the pictures we take together on social media. What if what we're doing is tricking ourselves into thinking this thing is real when it's not." I start to doubt our relationship - or whatever it's called - because of my own words. I start to inwardly panic and hate myself for doing what I just did with him, knowing good and well this is likely to end the way I think it's going to end. "What if you think you feel all these things because sneaking around is fun and we're the only ones who knows about it. It's fun and exciting and what if that's playing mind games on us?"

Dean reaches his hands out to wipe the tears that are falling down my face. I didn't even know I was crying. His eyes are soft as they look at me and he's gentle with the way he touches me. His silence makes me think he's thinking this over and I know that tonight's the night my heart will be shattered. We were just starting to get the hang of things. I just gave myself to him and now i'm about to be forced to walk away. The thought of that breaks me and I haven't even been with him for that long.