Laura's POV
His warm, welcoming hand on my back makes me even more guilty with each stroke pulling me closer. I tense up under his touch, and he can probably feel it, but I can't tell him to stop.
"Would you rather be able to speak ten different languages or be psychic?" my mouth throws out words without thinking in order to ease the physical tension. I let out a nervous laugh, "Sorry, you don't have to answer if you don't want. I know that was really random."
Ross chuckles with an adoring gaze, "You're such a dork, but at the same time it's really cute on you. Adorkable, like I always say," he sits us up and retracts his arm. Thank God. "I guess I'd want to be psychic because I wouldn't only know the future, but I'd also know what others were thinking. So even if they spoke another language, I would be able to understand them by knowing how they were feeling. What about you?"
I retain my serenity, conversing the way I'm used to with Ross, "Psychic powers for sure. I could've prevented saying something I shouldn't have to a certain someone if I was psychic."
---
In the midst of a cool, autumn morning, I awake bathed in shadows from the leafless trees outside. The slightly frosty, pre-winter breeze flies in through my window.
From a distance, I hear Ross audibly calling my name—it's from outside. I groan at the cold temperature when I lift the covers off my body, then forcefully carry myself to my bench-style bay window. Across the way, Ross is already at his open window, waiting for me to acknowledge his presence.
"Yeah? What's up?" I articulate to get Ross's attention.
The familiar grin on his face says it all, even from twenty feet away. "What's up with you, Four Eyes," he teases.
I scold his humor, fake-whining over how he didn't give me enough time to remove my glasses and put on contacts, "Did you wake me up just to torment me or is there an actual reason?"
Ross's lips form a flat line, "I was wondering if you could come over? My family drove to Ventura Beach to catch the sunrise, but I didn't want to wake up early, so I'm lonely here."
It's a half-complaint, half-demand, but I concede even after Ross cracks another joke about my glasses. Once I finish brushing my teeth and throwing on a fall chic outfit, I stuff my hands in the pockets of my knitted sweater and skip along the sidewalk to the house next to mine.
Knocking on the door, it nearly swings open as if my fist was the trigger, an indication that Ross was probably so bored that he was waiting for my arrival. "Took you long enough," he smirks and brings me in close, against his chest.
It's so swift and unprecedented that I can't stop it. Instead I make a confounded face (that Ross can't see, of course), and go along with it. He doesn't ever go for this gushy stuff.
"Come on up to my room. I have to ask you something," Ross takes my hand into his as if I'm his girlfriend and instantaneously, I'm on alert for whatever else he might try.
Thoughts and conjectures cloud my mind and I really don't want to think of what Ross might be asking me.
He briskly leads me onto his low-lying, queen bed, where we sit facing each other while Ross stares at me with attentive eyes.
"Are you okay, Ross? You're acting strange... did something happen to you that I should know about? I'm starting to worry," I stare back with an equally intense gaze.
"No, no... it's nothing like that," Ross inhales deeply and continues, "It's just that I have so much inside that I've wanted to say, but I wasn't exactly sure how to say it, so instead I kept it bottled inside. Eventually it was all going to escape, and I don't know how that would've turned out, so I've decided to say it now... I'm so fortunate to have been friends with you ever since we graduated high school. It's hard to believe we hadn't really talked to each other, because we're so close now. As gratifying as it is, I feel as if something's been missing," he trails off.
I nod, which he takes as his signal to continue, "And that something is you," I hadn't been bothered by what Ross had been saying until he said that. "Maybe I'm being too forward with this, but I have to say it. Laura, I really, really like you and nothing could be better than if you say you'll be mine," the placid side of Ross I haven't met before emerges discreetly, "What do you say?" Ross' eyes glisten with hope, completely free of any previous insecurity or apprehension.
Shit.
I suddenly lose the ability to talk. I can't find my tongue. My mouth runs dry and my chest starts heaving. I want to sprint back to my house and bury myself in blankets like none of this is real. I can't do that unless I want everything to become awkward in our perfectly fine relationship.
We don't quarrel often and our friendship is already immaculate, so why would he ask me something that could break our friendship with the wrong answer? My response will either make or break his vitality, and it terrifies me that our friendship shares the same fate.
What if I say no? How much is it going to change everything? We'd probably go back to how it was before we were friends. We'd be acquaintances who want to strike up a conversation, but could never work up the courage.
If I say yes to appease him, we might break up in the future. Would we never speak to each other under that kind of tension?
Apprehensively my mouth creaks open to speak, and I'm almost sweating under the uncomfortable pressure. I think the room's spinning... I'm overwhelmed with the nauseous feeling of bile threatening to disgorge from my mouth. Why, oh why couldn't he have asked me something like what method of birth control I use?
I silently ask why I'm throwing myself into these burning flames, but I remember there's no other solution, no access to a fire escape. I breathily decide to answer Ross with the word setting our future on the path to disaster: "Okay."
Inadequately and solitarily I'm left to overcome my chronophobia.
---
For years, I had yelled out my window and Ross would appear, and we would have conversations on the widest variety of topics. I thought our friendship was always meant to be just that, with no conflict between us and no hints of romantic feelings. It seemed like we were part of each other, the way we were so in sync, metaphorically attached to each other's skin, hooked on a feeling I thought was only friendship. The most logical conclusion is to presume I wasn't prepared for what Ross asked me. I've learned so much about him over time, but apparently not everything. The question caught me off guard and I had no idea how to answer in the way that would perceive me as a decent person, so I had to say yes.
The thing is, I never forecasted our relationship to last this long. At the beginning, I only intended for it to be a short fling, and I would've gently broken up with Ross once I noticed he lost interest in me. Subsequently, our friendship wouldn't be a romance any more, and we would return to being friends like the way it's meant to be.
I ask myself this constantly: do I wish I had said no six months ago? Would it have made things easier because I wouldn't have had to worry about faking my happiness every time Ross is near me?
Yes, I genuinely wish I could leap back in time to say no, even though rejecting Ross would leave us in an awkward position. It would've been worth it because I wouldn't have to wake up each day hoping it'll be the day I'll be able to break up with Ross.
I don't want to lie to him, and I certainly don't want to put Ross in a dishonest romance, but more than anything I don't want him to be unhappy.
Sometimes I have to remind myself to take an outsider's perspective and acknowledge it's actually the greatest possible relief to know Ross cares about me in that way.
***
;) ;) ;) The smirk emoji is officially my mood for this chapter and all the chapters following.
Ahh chapter 2!! I'm SO EXCITED for the rest of the story omg. It's gonna be so much fun to write and I hope even better to read :)
I'm lowkey so motivated to write but at the same time I have so much going on in my life so I don't have a lot of time ughh
I'm so tired and it's actually almost midnight where I live so good night all!
Vote/comment!
Steph (yesifeelgoodr5)
YOU ARE READING
Like a Tattoo (Raura)
FanfictionI'll admit. He's got irresistible looks, and he's a damn good friend. In fact, we're so close, it's almost like he's my tattoo. There's just one problem to all of this: he's my friend. Why would he want to risk our friendship by asking me out? And e...
