Ross's POV
"Okay... sorry for the late notice. Thank you... bye," I slam my iPhone down on the kitchen table in frustration, burying my face in my hands. The restaurant I had on the phone was one among four reservations I had to cancel this morning, the first reservation unfortunately being the beach house. I shake my head for the thousandth time today in agonizing remembrance. Lifting my head up, I lethargically pick up the ballpoint pen in front of me and draw it across the notepaper to cross the steakhouse's name off my list. A couple weeks ago this list was a to-do list, but now it's a blacklist for a fantasy I never really had a chance at.
Today was supposed to be the day, I'm bitterly reminded by my conscious.
Today was supposed to be the day I would prove myself to Laura.
Think about it. Her résumé would list pages of awards she's received with her dance academy from competitions. The most I can brag about is a few trophies from small piano competitions and a lame trophy I got from little league when I was eight.
Moreover, Laura's a real-life genius, having scored nearly perfectly on the SAT and kicked my ass in GPA. Laura never went to college because she wanted to focus her attention on dance, so a college experience is the one thing I have that she doesn't. She always tells me she has some regrets about not applying for college and getting to take college classes, so I usually lend her some of the reading material my professor instructs us to read to give her that experience.
Other that that, I'm nothing compared to Laura.
That's why today was supposed to prove to her that I was worth it all. I would've made sure tonight was the best of her life, because Laura's made me feel that way our entire relationship. Our anniversary tonight would've atoned for any part of me that was inferior to Laura, and I hoped it would ensure she'd never have second thoughts on her decision to be with me.
As of yesterday I officially regretted my desire to give and do everything for her, and I regretted ever falling for her in the first place. If I hadn't fallen for her, I wouldn't have been this hurt by her revelation. She wouldn't have betrayed our friendship and left me like this.
On the other hand, if this is the type of person Laura wants to be, then it's best I might not ever speak to her again. Honestly, it's better to have found out this way because now I know the type of friend Laura really is. Better to find out now than in the future when I would've fallen deeper in love only to be utterly betrayed.
What's unbelievable to me is how far she would carry our relationship while lying the entire time. Every day I fell deeper, and none of it affected her at all. I spent hundreds of dollars in that relationship, so much that I had to beg my sister and brothers for money so I could give Laura the best date, the best gift, the best everything. I put my everything into our relationship in hopes of receiving everything in return, but for her it was all part of the cruelest illusion.
I knew I shouldn't have asked her to be my girlfriend that day. When Laura consented to my proposal, I thought I would never forget it. Now, the asking is my greatest regret. If I could only change that day: instead of asking Laura to be my girlfriend, she could've come over and we'd have a Mario Kart competition like she loves. It was tradition for Laura to choose Toad and me to choose Luigi, and for me to stay in first place until the last lap when she fired out all her red shells from the item boxes and seized the lead. It was so much easier when we were just friends.
I think back to yesterday when I mercilessly yelled at Laura over how heartless she was, Laura nearly shaking while I screamed at her. For God's sake, she probably thinks I hate her.
I could never hate her, even if I tried. It was the truth when I said it yesterday, even as empty as that statement may seem now.
I haven't stopped caring for Laura, and I don't plan to.
I didn't know anything about myself until we started dating. Sometimes it didn't feel like a relationship—it was more like the friendship we had before, and I cherished that so much. We would bond over the most trivial things, like who deserved the last soda in her mini-fridge. She used to claim it was her dance studio in her house and the gentleman should give everything up for the girl, while I argued that I was her guest. No surprise here, she was always the victor of every quarrel, but I wouldn't dare change any single one of those moments.
I think back to the jubilant expressions on her face, which were by far my favorite thing she would wear. Then my mind wanders to where I wish it wouldn't: how Laura was so vulnerable yesterday because of me and how she used all her power to keep her guard up so she wouldn't cry in front of me. She was absolutely spent, trying so desperately to explain everything to me and atone for her wrongdoing. I curse myself for being such a dick and treating her that way. I was spitting venom at her yesterday, which ultimately did nothing except worsen our relationship.
"God damn it!" My fists hammer down on the kitchen table.
I should've let her explain. For all I know, Laura's regretting everything she did these past six months, even though I'm really the one to blame. I'm the one who rudely pushed myself away from her with the impression of never wanting to see her again. She might be cursing me out right now for what I did and there's no reason to blame her.
It's so stupid, really. Maybe I'm going about this all wrong. Laura might've done all that she did for our relationship, not to it, if that makes sense. She truly cared about me and never wanted me to get hurt, which is why she must've kept up her act for so long. I hate myself more than anything for being such a prick to her, to the most selfless and caring girl I know I haven't stopped loving.
Regardless if she never speaks to me again, I'm not going to let her out of my life. Even if I never get back what I once had with Laura, I'm not giving in. Either as a relationship or friendship, I refuse to know the feeling of her absence.
My feet scramble from beneath me and break for the stairs. I run to my bedroom window to see if Laura's in her room. To my misfortune, she's not, although her curtains have been pulled back. That's a good sign—she hasn't decided to shut me out of her life. Though the room remains vacant, the windowpane is lifted halfway and I can hear Michael Jackson blaring through Laura's speakers. I chuckle, reminiscing over our dramatic lip sync battles. At her house, we used to use one of her hairbrushes as a microphone, and at my house my TV remote. Now I wish more than ever that I could see that carefree grin on her face one more time as her mouth moved along with the lyrics of Billie Jean.
I go to fetch the remote off my dresser then open the top drawer to find the few things giving me a few shreds of reminiscence of what I had with Laura. Layered on top of my ripped skinny jeans lies a few sets of Laura's pajamas, neatly folded in the way she wanted it. I remember last month when I told her she should keep some of her clothes in my room in case she ended up staying at my house late at night. She was reluctant when I first mentioned it, but then agreed when I threatened to buy her a diamond ring. Now I'm aware of why the idea scared her, and I hate myself for forcing her into something she was unprepared for.
I daringly slip my phone out of my pocket and listen to its ringing in my ear as my steps pace towards the window. Patiently, I tap my foot on the ground until I hear her voice.
But she doesn't answer.
I pull the phone away from my ear and take a deep breath before opening Messages.
Can we talk?
I hesitantly send the text, praying the most painful and heartbreaking hours of my life are behind me.
***
Okay, this chapter definitely goes down as the most painful editing processes ever. I spent a solid three or four days just to edit lol and I ended up cutting out about 300 words.
But omg My Friend Dahmer is officially out. (O.o) I haven't seen it yet cuz the one that's gonna be playing near me in 2 weeks is about an hour long drive away and I ain't willing to go that far. I'll wait until it's in a local theater and if it never comes near me then oh well I won't see it lol. It's probably gonna be on DVD though right?
Idk cuz it's an Indie movie but happy early Veterans's Day and I'll see y'all at the next update.
Vote/comment!
Steph (yesifeelgoodr5)
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FanfictionI'll admit. He's got irresistible looks, and he's a damn good friend. In fact, we're so close, it's almost like he's my tattoo. There's just one problem to all of this: he's my friend. Why would he want to risk our friendship by asking me out? And e...
