Chapter 19

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Laura's POV

Vibrant sounds of one of Madonna's lesser known songs blare through my speakers as I go into the final count. Methodically, I count metronome style in my head and throw my left hand up into the air and let it drift down softly in my finishing position.

For a minute I freeze, regaining my breath and beaming out at my fake audience. Pretending the stage lights go off, I retreat to my mini-fridge, twisting open a water bottle.

The beginning of the song starts up again, blasting my speakers into an oblivion I'm surprised hasn't broken them yet. Luckily, ever since I began dancing competitively, my dad soundproofed the walls to my room.

"Laura," a voice calls from outside my door while knocking lightly. Ross.

"It's open," I shout over the music, pointing my remote to turn the system off.

"Hey," Ross states listlessly, "How've you been?"

I shrug, lifting my arms to pull a large sweatshirt over my sports bra, grinning as Ross watches me the entire time, "I'm good, thanks," I beam, surprised at his lack of enthusiasm, "How about you?"

Ross lifts the corners of his lips, "Fine," he stops and steps over to stand directly in front of me, "I need to talk to you. I don't want to chicken out of it, so I'll get right to the point."

A power within wills me not to respond, and I'm unsure of whether or not this will be like the last time he came to my room to talk to me. Memories of that dreaded day's yelling and cries of heartbreak rush back to me in a head-pounding flashback. On the outside I remain calm and collected, which Ross takes as a signal to continue, "You know it's been so long since we were together," he begins, speaking in romantic terms, "And it's so different from last time."

I can't help but nod my head at how true it is. After Ross and I broke up, I went to London and he took his own path, working through college and internships. Our primarily conjoined roads followed the same pavement, and obeyed the same street signs. When we came to a fork in the road, each of us went our own ways, side by side, but seeing and experiencing different trails. Now that our roads have converged, we come back to who we were, but this time with the baggage of our separate travels.

Ross starts, "Our experiences don't make a difference at all in how I feel," he shrinks back from keeping our eyes locked, pacing around the room. He turns away from me, and instead of facing me directly, his eyes land on me through the mirrored wall, "That's why I came to talk to you."

My suspicions rise, unaware of how to react to his simultaneously compassionate and rigid voice. I remain still behind Ross, figuring it must not be easy for him to say. I can't tell by his tone or body language whether he's going to tell me he has some horrible, life-threatening disease or whether he's going to propose to me.

"I can't let myself love you anymore," he utters in one breath, regretfully watching my pained reaction in the mirror, "You don't know how incredible this past week has been," Ross retracts and pivots back to me, standing only a few inches away and frowning at my glossy eyes. He hates how this is making me, "And it scares me when I remember that it's not the first time I've felt this way around you."

My voice inevitably drops decibels in the room, just as predictable as it is for Ross breaking the news, "N-no," I stutter, blinking rapidly, "I don't want to believe this is happening," nevertheless I maintain a brave face.

"And I really don't want to hurt you," he pauses, "You or us," Ross opens up into an explanation of our fucked up past I'm shamefully aware of, "But I don't want to chance history repeating itself. You understand, don't you?"

I knowingly nod my head at his words, filled to the brim with self-loathe of my previous self. The karma finally caught up after what I did to Ross, but it was never really a question of "if" my relationship with Ross would come back to bite me in the ass, rather it was a question of "when". Only it comes to me in the form of the most formidable insult: Ross's mistrust.

"I can't let myself fall too deep again so things easily turn out the way they did when we dated before," Ross tries to reason, "You know I love you, Laura, but I'm afraid to let down my guard again by making myself believe that you feel the same way," he admits with regret biting at his words.

I swallow slowly in an attempt to digest Ross's words that make my stomach churn. More than ever, I know I don't deserve the irrefutable love Ross has for me because of the fact that I lied to him in the past. I absolutely deserve his mistrust, "I can't blame you for having doubts about me. There's no evidence to prove that my actions are justified."

I turn some words over again in my head because of how true they are to me. They're true to what I must learn to abide by when I'm with Ross, in order to regain his trust. I'm the only factor standing in the way of his love for me. Once I can prove to Ross, and more importantly, to myself, that I deserve what Ross feels about me, then I'll know there won't be any more complications.

Ross plants a soft kiss on my cheek to get me to look up at him. He stares deeply into my pleading eyes, admitting, "I might be making the mistake of a lifetime by letting you go, but I don't want to make an even bigger mistake by not doing this."

***

I'm back from an almost two month long hiatus and here to finish up my third Wattpad story!

And this time I have a surprise... since I'm unsure of whether or not I will continue writing Raura fanfics here (don't get me wrong, raura is my otp for life but it's because I don't know if I'll have inspiration) if I have a lot to do within the coming years. I'll probably do a raura revised fanfic from one of my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE books next year, so look out for that. Due to all of this uncertainty and ambiguity, I've decided to extend this fanfic to 30 chapters :)

The idea for a continuation of the story came to me one night when I was thinking about how future chapters would pan out. So there you go, that's my surprise. Let me just say, if I hadn't thought of this idea, then this chapter would have been a hell of a lot different than what you just read. ;D

Merry Christmas, happy new year, and happy almost 4-years-until-2023!

Also who's excited that caos was renewed and laura's releasing a new song next month :D

Vote/comment!

Steph (yesifeelgoodr5)

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