Like a Tattoo (Raura)

Chapter 14

Ross's POV

I can usually predict how my day is going to be depending on how long my alarm clock rattles my eardrums. The longer the buzzer, the more shitty my day is. Today is no exception.

When I first hear the alarm I untangle myself from underneath the covers and roll to the other side of the bed to reach my nightstand. I grab my phone, sit up, and hit the snooze button.

About seven seconds. Today will be average.

I fall back on the blankets with my phone in hand, scrolling through Snapchats and text messages. A particular one catches my eye: it's from Laura.

She's coming back early? And in two days?

I re-read the words, and they still say the same thing. She's coming back early.

Granted, this had to happen at one point or another. I know I could never fully mentally prepare myself for what could happen, so why is this such a big deal?

My mind jostles. I think back to when I strung the hearts necklace around Laura's neck. She was so tense when I did that and I foolishly thought her reaction was because the chain was cold. I think back to Laura and me at Magic Mountain on one of our last dates before we broke up. She was so hesitant when I offered her my water bottle.

I don't know how I missed her clear-cut signals. Maybe it was because I was too consumed in what I felt. I was so selfish. When Laura comes back, I fear that's how she'll still perceive me.

Even when I asked Laura to be my girlfriend, I admit it didn't seem like a question. It was a plead for her to take mercy on someone who was taking a blindfolded shot. 

When it had finally registered that Laura had left for London, I promised myself I wouldn't keep loving her and I would never let myself love her again. The truth to this is that I was afraid I was going to hurt her again. I'll never forget the stream of water running down her face while she desperately tried to explain why she agreed to be my girlfriend: because she cared about me. I'll never forget how I pushed her away and convinced myself I never wanted to see her again.

Knowing the aftermath of our relationship, specifically the guilt I felt for forcing Laura into a relationship she never wanted, scared me beyond imagination.

She's so much more than I see in myself. She put me first despite the discomfort she would have, and I, well I'm just narcissistic. 

I have no idea what tomorrow holds, or every tomorrow for that matter. I wouldn't blame Laura if she never wanted to see me in person again. All I've ever been is dishonest to her. I've abandoned her trust and taken advantage of her vulnerability, so no wonder I feel like the scum of the Earth. I managed to make our friendship so unbelievably uncomfortable that she moved to London to avoid me. I could lie now and say her moving caused me more grief, but the truth is that I was relieved—liberated almost.

That feeling could never last; Laura had to return sometime. Now that she is, the shame and regrets I had from when I saw her after we broke up fly back. The word to describe it all is anxiety.

Staring into the pink skies outside, I blink. My eyes are filled with crust. I twist my neck to find the clock announcing the day is already gone. My throat clenches, having been deprived of water and sufficient food all day. I had spent the whole day fixed on the sky outside, trying to reel in my stance with Laura.

So I collapse my head onto the pillow on my bed, already exhausted and shaky before the day has even come.

---

I blankly stare out the front window while sitting on my family's tan leather couch, alternating between biting down on the skin of my thumb and running my thumb over my top lip. At this point, I figure there's a possibility I could gnaw myself into delirium until I'm admitted to the emergency room.

Something strange happened last night: apparently I had a nightmare about Laura, or at least I think I did. It was either my mom or my sister who woke me up while I was screaming Laura's name and thrashing the blankets about. I've been having trouble remembering what happened ever since I banged my head on the headboard.

The one thing remaining coherent in my mind is that Laura will be home in a few hours. I can't imagine what it'll be like when we finally see each other in person. We've changed so much from when we were last together.

When Laura was mine, I used to know exactly what I wanted with her, but ever since the break up, nothing's definite.

I came to this conclusion this morning when I woke up post-nightmare panting and padded in sweat: I want Laura to be here with me, and I want us to go back to how we used to be: friends. Nothing more, nothing less. There's so much that can go wrong once she comes back, though, and that's what's most painful. 

I have to walk on a thin line with our friendship. Laura probably thinks I don't trust her anymore, and if I were to say something to give her the notion of that being true, our relationship would completely change. Prospectively, we might remain friends, but with strings attached.

Amidst all the complications and what ifs, I don't know what I'm supposed to want. A friend? A relationship? Time apart?

I stare at the green on the lawn outside. Traces of hope reach within me, aspiring to be with Laura in the way we were meant to. None of the complicated relationship crap, only me. Laura. Separate and together.

But there's so much at risk, so much to fear. What if I do the wrong thing when she comes back? What'll happen to us then?

That's when I see it. A polished silver vehicle with an Uber sticker on the window pulls up in front of my house. Not Laura's house, my house.

The door opens after a little while and out she steps. I watch her pull her suitcases out of the trunk and thank the driver. She takes a glance at my house. I guess that's my cue.

I run to the door, compose myself, and cooly walk outside as if it's nothing, "You know you could've called me. I could've come to the airport and spared you the cost."

She flashes the smile that used to make my heart leap, "I was considering that, but I thought this would be more fun and spontaneous. Don't you think?" Laura takes some steps towards me, and I do the same until we're directly in front of each other.

She puts her suitcases upright, then stares up at me again. I think back to when she was last here... when I kissed her.

I nod with a grin, bringing my arms down to hold her for what feels like the first time. She's not as tense as I remember, which is a good sign, "I'm just glad to see you again. I missed you."

Laura lets her guard down a little and settles into me. I exhale in relief.

"I really did," I add.

***

wow that was longer than it was supposed to be

but hey raura reunited! and the story's not over yet ;) in case I didn't say yet (I don't wanna go back and see if I did), this fanfic is gonna be 20 chapters like my others

so I'm back from the dead lol. it's been a crazy two months finishing school and yay it's summer. sorry for the late update. ik I said early mid june but this counts as mid june right?

taking a small break in the continuing of this book so I can edit the other chapters bc god knows they're terrible. only doing that for about a week so chapter 15 will be up in maybe two and a half weeks. it's summer and I got a lot more free time :)

ppl talk to me I feel like no one's here. oh wheel until next time peace I'm out

Steph (yesifeelgoodr5)