You and I (Phanfic)

Chapter 12

When the door finally opened I crawled out and sat in the corridor. I leaned my head against the wall, closed my eyes again and took a few deep breaths. Dan sat down next to me and his parents went outside, realising we needed a minute. "What was that all about, Phil?" He asked me. I was still shaking slightly but my head felt a bit clearer.

"Urm.. I don't know" I replied my voice shaky and uneven "the memory of you shoving me against the wall before, came into my head" I told him slowly trying to understand what had happened myself. "I got scared. All the memories of you threatening me and seeing you in hospital and being knocked over in the canteen they all just flashed in my head. Then you couldn't open the door and I'm claustrophobic so I started to panic and get confused and worry and" I started crying. I put my head in my hands. "You don't love me. You still want that one nighter to check that you are bi, don't you?" I didn't need a reply. I knew I was right.

"Phil..." Was all he could come out with. I slowly got up, my legs wobbling and I walked home. Mum made me take the next day off school and Dan said he was taking it off because he wanted to check I was alright. We were falling behind, but for once, I really didn't care. 

I sent Dan a text: "are your parents at home today?"

"No, Adrian's at school and mum and dad are at work, they won't be back until 5. Why?" He asked.

I replied: "I'll be round yours in 10" and I got up and left the house.

I arrived at Dan's and knocked on the big red door. As soon as he opened it, I launched towards him and started kissing him. "Phil" he said between kisses "what are you doing?" I pulled back and looked him up and down like he had when we had our first conversation.

"I need to know if you love me or not. So we're going to your room and we're doing whatever the hell you want, so that you can finally decide how you feel about me." A small smile crept across his face and he started kissing me as we walked up the stairs and into his bedroom.

I'd never been in his room before and I saw one wall was covered in posters. Bring Me The Horizon, My Chemical Romance, Paramore, Green Day and so many more bands were covering the wall. In the corner of the room was a beautiful piano and he had a ginormous book case with games, DVD's and books on it. Most of his room was black or white and it looked awesome. I took a minute from kissing him to gaze at the incredible room. I loved it so much. "Dan, you have the best room."

"I know!" He replied smiling. We then faced each other and I put my hands on his shoulders and he put his hands around my waist, and we stood there, kissing. I started to walk forward until we fell onto the bed.

After about 10 minutes Dan pulled off his shirt and then pulled off mine. Our skin was now touching. Him: slightly tanned, me: as pale as paper. It was only when I caught a glimpse of myself out of the corner of my eye, in the mirror, that I suddenly stopped kissing him and backed away.

"Phil, what's wrong?" Dan had asked me that so many times over the last few days. Sometimes I wish he could read my mind so I didn't have to explain.

Apart from a few bruises here and there from the fights he'd been in, his skin was flawless. He wasn't thin, but he was thinner than I was. I looked at my pale skin and cringed. I turned my back on Dan and the mirror and saw a large poster of Brendan Urie on the wall and I sighed. Dan came up behind me and whispered "You're perfect." I turned around and looked at him in the eyes. He meant it. Not a flinch or a giggle. He meant it. That was more than enough for me. I realised that I didn't necessarily need him to love me. Just accept me. I sighed grabbed his arm and we climbed into bed, where we spent the rest of the day.