When. (Our Second Life)

Chapter 12

I see a bright light from behind my eyelids... am I dead?

No, death wouldn't have this much pain... it's weird, though. The pain is only in the upper half of my body.

My eyes flutter open, and I see that the bright light was a huge light above my face. I am in a hospital.

"Rose?!" I hear a rough voice. It sounds like they haven't slept in ages... I recognize it, though I can't quite know who the voice belongs to until their face comes into view.

Sam.

"Rose! Oh my God, Rose.. I thought you were going to die," he says, and tears are running down his face.

I try to move my head to take a look at myself, but too many tubes are tangled around me. I have oxygen nubbins in my nose, and IVs in my arms. I shudder at the needles; they disgust me. He takes my hand gently, as if I am a delicate snowflake.

"Rose, you've been in a coma for 2 weeks." he tells me. I can't quite remember why I am here, though.

I try to move my legs. Then I realize I can't... I can't even feel them. I start to panick.

"What's wrong with my legs?! Why can't I move?! Why can't I feel them!" I ramble. Sam calms me down, telling me it will be all right...

"You have some thing called spinal shock," he says, cautious with his words. "It will take a few weeks for you to be able to move them, but the damage isn't permanent. Your legs are paralyzed from the crash... You also have a few cracked ribs, and your left foot is broken, other than that you are fine." he says with a small smile. I can tell he's sugar coating it.

Wait.

"Did you say crash?"

"Yeah.. you were in a car crash with Trevor." he explains with sad eyes. "Remember?"

"Oh my god..." I whisper. "Oh my god!" I yell this time.

The memories of the crash come flooding back to me. The truck barreling into Trevor's side of the car... his eyes wide open in terror... the feeling of his cold fingers torn from my grasp.

"Calm down, its ok..."

"No, it's not! Where is he? WHERE IS TREVOR!" I sob. I try to get up, then I remember my damn legs are paralyzed.

I burry my face in my tube-covered hands. How could I be so stupid? I cry... and cry... and cry.

"I-is he oh-okay?" I whisper.

"Rose... they're doing everything they can." he says, not saying any more.

"Tell me everything. And don't leave a damn thing out." I say.

He sighs and rubs the back of my hand with his thumb.

"Trevor is..." he struggles for words. "Trevor is in a coma. When the truck hit him, it crushed half the bones in his body. His eyes are damaged... they think he may go blind." By this point I can barely breath. It takes all my effort not to scream. "He is living off of life support, and the only reason they don't pull the plug is because we won't let them. The doctors don't think he will survi-" his voice cracks and he breaks down crying. "Survive." he finishes.

This is where I can't take it anymore. I scream. As loud as I can. Sam wraps his arms around me, and I use his chest to muffle them.

I am useless. I can't even walk to see him. I can't even talk to him. Even if he can't hear me.

I am broken.

I realize how cruel the world really is. My uncle probably doesn't even care that I am I the hospital, half paralyzed, and by some miracle am still alive. Here I am, screaming into my best friends chest, crying over a boy I have come to love who's life is as good as gone. How pathetic.

I wish I was the one still in a coma. I wish we could trade places, so that he might have a better chance of living. I don't deserve living... He on the other hand is pure, kind, amazing...

I don't see how the world balances luck out. ll the wrong people have the better luck it seems.

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After I got myself to calm down a bit, I just sit in silence holding Sams hand.

When the silence becomes too much, I speak up.

"Sam... I loved him." I whimper. "We were going to tell you guys later that day that we were together..."

He looks up at me in shock.

"Rosie..."

I slowly shake my head and look at the ceiling.

"Why couldn't it be me? Why couldn't I be the one on my deathbed?" I cry, but all the tears had been used up so I just sit there, breathing all freaky.

"Trevor is not going to die." he says firmly.

"Why does this damn world have to be so unfair."

"I don't know, Rose. I don't know." he looks at the floor.

I weakly scoot over in my bed, trying to move my body with just my arms. I pat the space next to me with as much energy as I can muster, offering him a place to lay.

He smiles weakly.

"Hang on there, Rosie." he gets out of his chair and heads to his bag on the floor by the window. He pulls out a bag of marshmallows, which brings out a small smile from me. He lay down next to me and he opens the bag, and I eat them slowly. They cheer me up a little, but not much. Its the thought that counts, right?

He texts the guys saying I'm awake, and they say they'll be here soon. A doctor comes in and tells me all my conditions. I will be paralyzed for a max of 6 weeks.

We look through his Instagram and twitter. It's nice to get my mind off things.

Then something occurs to me.

"Sam, can you put me in a wheel chair so I can see Trevor?"

He looks at me with understanding eyes. "I'll ask a nurse."

He momentarily walks out of the room, and comes back with a nurse.

"Hi, what do you need, sweetie?" she says in a southern belle accent.

"I was wondering if I could see my boyfriend Trevor. He was in the crash with me. I need a wheel chair."

"Okay, hun. I'll be right back." she gives me a sympathetic look then leaves.

She returns quickly and goes over all the things I need to know about the tubes that are stuck in me. I basically have to roll oxygen tanks and two bottles of weird liquids around with me. But all I have to do is hold onto them while they roll, since Sam will push me around.

Once we learn all the safety precautions, Sam lifts me out of my bed, and sets me down in the wheel chair gently.

"Alright," he says quietly and I nod.

He rolls me out the door and into an elevator since Trevor's room is a few floors below mine. I suddenly become nervous.

When we get to the room, we go in and I can barely believe my eyes. He's not even the same person anymore. Yet it only triggers the tears...