•Annabelle•

Chapter 10

My hand was shaking as it touched the cool metal of the lock on my locker, fumbling with the device as I tried to get it open.

I awoke ready this morning for a new start, not letting myself turn back down the cracked pathway.

After I had found myself awaken from that dream, the first dream in a long time that sent a smile to my face, something had sparked in me.

Like how machine turns on with a whole different light when new batteries are inserted.

I had found myself getting back into my old morning routine; making my bed, eating breakfast, and, to my surprise, picking up my Bible. Somehow I had landed on the exact page I needed, and just finding this one verse had sparked my soul even greater.

"Hope anchors my soul." Hebrew 6:19

All this time I had held onto Annie like she was my anchor, I had made her this image of hope that, when she was gone, I had lost sight of the path ahead. Yes, she did make me feel alive, and did strengthen my hope, but I had put her up way too high.

She was human, just like me, and I love her for it. Not because she was some seam of perfection set on from way up above, she wasn't an idol. She was just a girl, and I had lost sight of that.

I still love her, and always will from the depths that waver from within my soul, but life has to go on, and this world isn't going to wait for me.

God, who is now my anchor, has a plan for me.

So now I'm here, hoping that I can mend the mistakes I've made, hoping school will still give me another chance at success, and wondering if maybe one day I can forgive myself for what he distraught me for so long.

I cannot fail, not when graduation is so close, not when a fresh start is right there waiting for me.

All I have to do is get through this.

My hands were sweating so much that the turning table of the lock kept switching between the numbers,

just calm down, breath, control.

To my aid, Lily seemed to show up out of nowhere, her face brightening as her eyes landed on me, and she made a steady jog towards me.

I smiled back, the creases at the edge of my mouth feeling stiff from not being able to do it in so long.

"Hey Lily," then I remembered how I had left her, how I had stormed off blaming her for what had happened. I swallowed, my smile fading as my lips uttered, "I am so sorry, I was being so stupid... I shouldn't ha-"

"Jason," she interrupted, her face giving me that look of sympathy mixed with admiration, "It's okay, I get it. It may have hurt at first, but I think it had hurt you a whole lot more than it did to me. I forgive you."

My heart ached, not the kind of ache you get when you feel like your heart has been stabbed, but the ache you feel when you feel so thankful for a selfless act that you know you don't deserve.

"Thank you." And I knew I didn't need to say anything more.

At the sound of the bell my attention then slid back to the lock, and embarrassed I said, "I can't open it."

She giggled, her laugh is so pretty, "Here I'll open it, what's your combination."

After I told her the 3 digit passcode she opened it with ease, and I had found myself watching as her small delicate hands twisted and turned the panel.

"Thanks, again." This time I found myself giving a small chuckle.

"No problem." The silence then passed between us, but with almost a sad tone she faltered, "I should probably go, the bell went."

With a nod of my head I watched her walk away, her pace slower than usual.

My tongue felt like it was burning, like their words were trying to escape my mouth.

"Wait, Lily!" Turning her head she stopped, I quickly grabbed my binders, my bag and shut the locker. As I was catching up to her I could feel my heart racing, like something in my chest trying to break free.

"Uh," I stuttered, trying to find the right words, "You know, um, that day at the fair I didn't mean to come off as that I wouldn't- uh- date you. I um, I just wasn't sure what was going on, cause there'd be nothing wrong with me dating you... I'm sorry, this isn't coming out right."

I stopped, taking my eyes off the floor and actually letting them rest upon her.

She may not be this frail, dove of a girl that Annie was, but she's something else.

She's strong, having fought so many battles of her own grief and still holding on that you'd never think of the pain that she had experienced.

Annabelle was everything I wanted to be; kind, honest, selfless, hopeful, faithful, encouraging, and the list could go on.

But, at the same time, there's this essence about Lily that I also want to be.

This joyfulness that she shares, and this strong courageous heart that she leads on with.

"I guess, what I'm trying to say is, "I paused, exhaling a deep breath, "Would you be... interested? Like, I know that you've seen a side of me you'd probably want to forget, but I'm asking if you'd be okay to look over that and maybe give me a try?"

I looked back down, scared of what she may say.

But she just lifted my chin back up, and gave me a reassuring smile, "I don't need to look over that side of you. For one, I already forgave you, and two, it's a part of what makes you you. It shows me how deep your love for someone can go, even if it means it may have gone a little too far. But yes, I think this may be worth a shot."

The smile spread across my face didn't leave me for the rest of the day, and for once, I could tell myself that I was leading down the right path.