He's An Arrangement

Breakdown

I slipped back on my ring and twisted it around my finger. I grinned lightly, "I'll have to tell Ruby I said thanks for grabbing the ring," I mumbled to Killian. He sat at the table behind me, and I could hear the tapping of his foot. He hasn't slept all night, not since he picked me up. Why did I have to call him last night? Why didn't I just go home by myself? Then, I wouldn't have to be dealing with a stressed out Killian.

"Swan, can I do something for you?" He was behind me now. I tensed, grabbing onto the counter to try and steady myself. His hands sat in the spot that Neal's did.

My mind fell back to Neal. I thought he was KIllian. How do I know this isn't him now?

Emma, it's Killian. Get over yourself.

Neal. Neal's here.

My knuckles grew white against the counter, and my legs were shaky. I felt as if at any minute I could collapse.

Let go, let go of me.

I was screaming on the inside, but no one can here me. It's trapped, bubbling and wanting to break free of its restraints.

It's just Killian.

Neal! Let go of me! Let go! My head spun, eyes clenched and shoulders scrunched.

The hands on the side of my hips let go, rubbing a thumb up against my side.

"Get off of me!" I screamed, spinning around and doing my best to push whoever it was away from myself. They stumbled back against the table. Eyes distraught and confused. I threw my fist at their face in an attempt to slow them down.

I ran for the stairs, up to Killian and I's bedroom.

There's someone following me.

They're following me.

You're a mess, Emma.

Get over yourself.

Neal.

It's just Killian.

No, it's not.

I reached our bedroom, not locking the door behind me but dashing to the bathroom. My insides felt as if each was fighting one another as the space grew tighter. My stomach clenched and I raced to the toilet, vomiting into it. My mind seemed to return as I threw up into the toilet bowl.

I did it again, and again. Until I had no clue what I was throwing up. I backed away from the toilet, pushing myself off the wall and to the sink. I washed my hands first, then wet a rag and dragged it across my face.

Meeting my reflection in the mirror, I frowned, seeing a pale face stare back at me. My lips were dull and eyes dark. I wrapped my arms around my chest, letting out a huff and digging nails that are perfectly painted, courtesy of Ruby, into my back.

I pulled up my shirt, fitting my hands against the marks. They were bruises now. I pressed my thumb against another scar I had. And another. Too many.

Tears ran down my cheeks, and sobs of terror escaped my lips that trembled. Where's KIllian? I want Killian.

You hurt Killian, Emma.

I grabbed onto my blonde hair, crying and shaking my head. You've gone insane, Emma Swan.

"Emma?" I heard an Irish accent pipe up, a small knock against the door. I dropped my arms, my body skidding against the cabinet and falling to the floor. I'm a disaster. One look and you'd know my life is fucked up.

"May I come in?" He asked, even though the door isn't locked.

"Yeah," I wiped my hands across my eyes, knowing they were puffy and red.

He closed the door behind him. Killian's nose had blood falling from it, onto his lips and down his neck.

You did that, Emma. Because you thought he was Neal. Asshole.

I know. I know.

"I'm so sorry... I...I didn't mean to," I apologized, looking up at him. I must look horrible. I'm sure I smell like vomit.

He crouched in front of me, "It's fine, my love," Killian smiled warmly. He reached for my hand, dropping it in his and holding it lightly. His finger ran over the ring, popping it off my hand, "If this is too much... we can go slower."

I nodded, "Please," I whispered, my other hand sliding around his neck. I sat on my knees, close to him. Feeling his heartbeat against me. Listening to the pattern. My head rested against the muscles that lined his shoulder. The heat of Killian's body mixed with mine in a heap of emotions.

"Okay," I watched him slip the ring into his back pocket. And he let go of my hand, instead curling both around my back, "I love you, Emma Swan. We can do whatever you want."

I let go, facing him, "I don't deserve you," I smiled, the tears disappearing from my face. He didn't say a word, wiping blood from his face.

I turned, grabbing a towel and looking back at him, "I thought that you were..."

He took the cloth from me, "I know, love," Kilian's legs sat on either side of me, keeping me in place.

My body fell against his, closing my eyes and letting out one last cry. We just called off our engagement. He's okay with it. He still loves me, and I still love him. Maybe we moved too fast. Maybe we're both not ready. I think I'm okay with that. I'm okay with taking it slow, and I hope he is too.

"Do you want to go lay down?" He suggested, standing up and taking my hand with him. I followed what he did, not saying a word.

The two of us left the bathroom, falling into bed together and laying side by side. Not touching one another. Killian sat up, and I watched from the corner of his eye as he dropped the ring back into the box, setting it in the drawer of his nightstand, "Another time," he said to himself with a single tear under his eye.

I rolled over, wiping it from his face, "I love you, Killian Jones."

His gazed linger on me, "We're in this together, Swan." 

I start school Wednesday. What about you? I've got advanced classes and a computer science/ coding class. Plus normal classes. I try to take as much as I can to get it out of the way. Plus, volunteer work. I drum in school. Do you play any instruments? I also play uke, but that's just on my own for fun. 

Rambling again! Sorry! 

Thoughts? Criticism? 

-Rose