can't fake it anymore

smoke

" you were right , he was cheating on me " i couldn't look him in the eye , i felt so dumb . " look y/n , i tried warning you, but you can't be here right now , Grace is here . " he said looking back. ouch. " oh , okay sorry , i'll just go " i started walking off when i suddenly stopped and turned around to face him. " you know what ? you're an ass . you knew he was cheating on me this whole time didn't you ?! you probably set them up cause it'd be funny for you to watch , well it's not funny grayson. i'm hurting. physically hurting. i hope you're happy now , have fun with your hoe. " i honestly was super proud of myself but and relived he didn't respond.
* time skips *
weeks have gone by and i haven't talked to grayson once . i was sitting at lunch but i can't eat , the only thing i've been able to eat was yogurt , but only once a day , any other time i try to eat i gag , it physically hurts. i wake up in the middle of the night crying of pain. i hardly sleep , i get 3 hours tops. jack cheating on me really hurts ... " so are we going to Aaron's party this weekend ? " my best friend jordan interrupted my thoughts. " uh i don't know .. " i really feel like bumping into jack of grayson there . " come on , ill let you wear one of my outfits " jordan said with a smirk. she's always had better cloths than me and i've always wanted to wear something of hers so i guess i should take this opportunity. " okay fine " i gave in laughing at how excited she got. she's always been one for parties , me ? not so much.
before i knew it it was time for the party. Jordan and i have been getting ready for hours and we finally left her house. we got to Aaron's and instantly i felt bored. i sat down on the couch and asked Jordan to get me something light , but i knew she wouldn't. i waited for about 5 minutes when someone sat beside me. i thought it'd be Jordan but no , it was grayson , with my drink. " jordan found some company and asked me to bring this to you " he said pointing to jordan and Aaron making out. shocker. she's always had a thing for him but i never thought he'd like her back , he's into the sluts of the school. " uh thanks " i said not able to look him in the eyes. i'm not gonna lie , not being friends with him has hurt a lot. i took a drink from my cup and instantly realized it wasn't beer , it was tequila , i made a disgusted face and grayson laughed. " i hate this " i said finally being able to look at him. " it burns less the more you drink it " he said taking a big swig from his cup. i decided to catch up to his pace and i finished my cup. he was right , i was feeling dizzy but i wanted more. " could you get me more " i said with a smirk on my face , i don't know why i'm acting like this , " yeah be right back , say here and she my seat " he said standing up and disappearing into the crowd of people in the room. when he came back he had 2 cups , i stood up to meet him half way when i fell. he drilled both cups and caught me , " ahaha i think i'm a little drunk " i said nervously laughing . " lets go outside , it's hot in here " he yelled into my ear over the loud music , that wasn't even good if i'm being honest. i've always liked the " emo " bands more than rap but that's just me i guess . we got outside and we sat down on the side walk . i just sat there looking at the mood when i realized he was digging in his pockets and pulled out a lighter and a cigarette. he missed the end of the cigarette a couple times cause he was a little drunk too and i laughed. once he finally got it and blew the smoke in my face i coughed. " hey grayson .. " i said looking up at him. " yeah ? " he asked looking back at me. " how come you smoke ? " i didn't want to ask the question but it just happened. it feels like i have no control over my mind of mouth. " it's a long story " he said putting it out. " i have time " i said poking his leg. " well it started with her. Jesabell. we were in love but then she ... "